Page 87 of GAF Factor

He took the office chair from the desk and rolled it over, sitting across from me. His elbows rested on his knees as he worked up to say whatever it was he needed to say.

“Isla, there were some things you said last night…”

“Oh, God,” I groaned, shoving my face in my hands. “It was horrible, right? I tend to say stupid things when I’m drunk. Just ask Riley.”

“No, it was about something I did.”

“I said something about what you did?” I repeated in confusion. “What was it?”

He took a deep breath and looked up at me. Pain bracketed his eyes—something I’d never seen before. He looked absolutely devastated. I was on my feet and kneeling before him in an instant.

“What is it? What happened?”

“Isla,” he shook his head. “Fuck, get off your knees. You should never be on your knees for me. Not ever. Not after?—”

“After what?”

He cursed under his breath and looked away. “The night I came to see you…the night you were abducted…” He swallowed hard and faced me once again. “Did I…Did I rape you?”

I was so shocked by his words that I just knelt in front of him, unable to move. “IKE, where the fuck did you get that from?”

“You said last night that I kissed you, that I was pushy.”

I didn’t remember any of that. “I don’t know what I said last night, but when you showed up at my door that night, you were drunk. Yes, you tried to kiss me twice, and yes, you were pushy, but…but I never once thought you would rape me. It was just a kiss.”

He blew out a harsh breath, his eyes squeezing closed for a moment. “Why didn’t you just tell me?”

“Because we were locked in that shipping container and…I thought we were going to die.”

“That would have been the perfect time to tell me,” he grunted.

“Why? So we could discuss it to death and what it meant when we both thought we were going to die?”

“Yes, so I could remember that. So I wouldn’t feel so fucking alone in the last hours of my life. Did you ever consider that I needed something to hold onto—some form of hope?”

“Did you ever consider that I couldn’t tell you?” I snapped. “I was with Kavanaugh.”

“But it was me that kissed you. Not the other way around.”

“And I wanted it!” I shouted. “Do you know what that did to me? IKE, even when I stayed at your house, I felt something between us, and I tried to tell myself that it was just an attraction. I mean, married people still feel attracted to other people. That doesn’t mean they go out and sleep with them. But when you kissed me, I knew I wanted more, and that was wrong because I was with Kavanaugh.”

“And what about when we got out of there?” he asked, pushing to his feet. He stalked away from me, pacing the room. “You wanted to kiss me in the hospital room, so why didn’t you just tell me then?”

I sighed, slumping down on the bed. “You said not to go to you until I was sure. IKE, I wanted to come to you with nothing between us. Why are we even arguing about this? We’re together. Kavanaugh is in the past.”

“We’re arguing about this because you kept this from me. I have always been honest with you. With every single fucking thing, I tell you the truth, and you hid this from me. Isn’t that the same fucking reason you ended things with him?”

I sucked in a harsh breath at his words, knowing they were true. He was absolutely right. I felt he didn’t need to know, so I didn’t tell him. “I’m sorry. You’re right.”

He finally stopped pacing and leaned back against the desk, his body relaxing slightly. “Isla, when you said that last night…I had no fucking clue what had happened. I thought I had—Don’t ever fucking hide something like that from me again.”

I shook my head, feeling my heart pound in my chest. “I won’t.”

“Swear it.”

“I swear,” I said immediately, terrified that I would lose him.

He walked over to me, pulling me to my feet. As soon as he wrapped me in his arms, I calmed down and let his strength wrap around me. It was the smallest lie, but it had made him doubt himself. I would never make that mistake again.

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