Page 46 of GAF Factor

The strumsof Christmas music played faintly in the background as Bowie and Riley danced to a song in the middle of the living room. Lights twinkled around the room, reflecting off the mirror over the fireplace. The tree lit up the dark room with vibrant colors, something Riley insisted on. I had wanted a red and white tree, but when we played rock, paper, scissors, she won.

I grinned as I watched Riley step on Bowie’s toes for the tenth time in the last minute, and how he winced, pretending it didn’t hurt. Taking another drink of my eggnog, I set down the glass and wandered over to the tree, snagging a present out of Sasha’s claws as she tried to tear it open.

“What are you doing?”

“Getting ready to open presents,” I retorted, checking the name tag.

“You can’t just open them! It’s not Christmas day!”

“I don’t want to wait until tomorrow. I’m dressed up now, and I don’t want to get up in the morning and sit down here in my pajamas.”

She stepped back in shock, pressing her hand to her chest. “But it’s tradition.”

“Well, maybe this year I want to do things differently,” I said, sticking out my tongue at her.

In truth, Christmas felt tainted. I kept thinking about the shipping container, how we had decorated it with everything we could find, only to watch it all fade into the darkness. It was only by sheer luck that we were still alive today. So, I wanted to mix things up a bit—make this Christmas different because it definitely didn’t feel like a regular Christmas.

“This one is for Bowie,” I grinned, handing it over.

When Bowie reached for it, Riley snatched it away. “Don’t you dare.”

“But…I kinda want to open it.”

“No, you don’t. That’s just the eggnog talking.”

“It wasn’t even spiked.”

“Then I’ll go spike it and we’ll say it was the eggnog talking.”

Bowie sighed heavily and nodded, but the moment she turned around, he snatched it out of her hands and ran for the couch, only to be tackled from behind. I laughed as she tickled him, then beat him with a pillow in the hopes that she’d get it back. It was hilarious and everything I had thought I would have with Kavanaugh, but that had ended rather unexpectedly.

However, it wasn’t him I wished was here with me tonight.

I fought the urge to go to the window and see if a certain gray car was idling at the curb. I desperately wanted there to be, but he had been absent more often lately, which made me wonder if he had forgotten about me. Or maybe he got tired of waiting around.

He said he would wait—that I should go to him when I was ready. And I really thought I might be. I was finally moving on from my marriage despite the fact that it had been over for years.

And then there was Kavanaugh. I still thought about him from time to time. How could I not? I had moved out here for him. And even though it didn’t work out, I did love him. But our time apart had taught me that what we shared was never really meant to be. That love quickly faded from being in love with him to loving him as a friend. And the few messages I got from him every week, checking up on me to make sure I was okay only strengthened those feelings.

But it would never be more than that. We rushed in too soon. Or maybe it was because he was away so much in the beginning. It didn’t really matter what happened. The timing was off, and our relationship suffered for it. And I’d come to accept that.

So, yes. I did want to go to IKE, especially today.

But I was scared as hell to actually pick up the phone and call him. I wasn’t sure why exactly. Maybe it was fear that everything had changed since that day in the hospital. Or maybe I was afraid of falling for yet another man, only to have it fall apart.

“Earth to Isla,” Riley sang out, waving her hand in front of my face. “Is anyone in there?”

I blushed furiously as I realized I’d been deep in thought for way too long. I’d missed what Bowie opened and all the fun that went along with that. “Sorry, I was just?—”

“Thinking about Kavanaugh?”

“No,” I said quickly. Well, I had been, but not in the way she thought.

“Ah, then you were thinking about IKE. Where is he, by the way?”

I shook my head, shoving to my feet. “Uh…why would he be here?”

“Because it’s Christmas,” she said slowly. “And you’re obviously madly in love with him.”

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