Page 124 of GAF Factor

“Sure,” IRIS snorted. “Keep telling yourself that.” He kicked back in his seat, putting his boots up on the chair in front of him.

I shoved his feet down and glared at him. “Get strapped in.”

“Get strapped in,” he mocked me.

He’d be laughing when the plane went down. Not that it would. Shit, I shouldn’t have thought that. I just jinxed myself without meaning to. I slammed my fist into the seat and sat down with a sigh.

“What the fuck is your problem?” Max asked, puffing away on his cigar.

I rolled my eyes at him. “Seriously? We’re on a fucking plane. Could you try to obey the rules?”

“Rules are for pussies,” he said, blowing a circle of smoke right in my face.

I waved it away, coughing before putting up the plastic shield. “I have a bad feeling about this flight.”

“That’s because you’re a Nervous Nellie.”

“A what?” I asked, spinning around.

“You heard me.”

“Where the hell did you even hear that?”

He shrugged. “When you hang around a preacher long enough, you pick up a few things.”

“I thought you were staying away from the church for fear that you’d combust into flames.”

“Unfortunately, if I want to stay on my wife’s good side, I have to spend time with her parents or risk burning in hell for all eternity, as she tells me.”

“And you’re worried about that?”

“Not one damn bit, but it makes her feel better. And I can’t stand to see her cry.”

That was actually kind of sweet. “Alright, let’s do this. I have a woman waiting at home for me. Whatever happens, don’t fucking shoot me.”

“Why the hell would I shoot you?”

“Because it’s you, alright? It stands to reason that it needs to be said.”

“I had no idea I was such a fucking disaster waiting to happen.”

“Oh please, everyone in the company knows that if anyone’s gonna get us killed, it’s gonna be you.”

He huffed out a laugh. “Coming from the man with more downed planes than the entire U.S. Army.”

“Hey, they mostly fly drones now!”

“Whatever, candyass. Sit down and let’s get moving.”

Candyass. He was such a prick. If I didn’t like his wife so much, I might consider tossing his ass out of the plane like I did to Edu, but without the parachute.

I really fucking hated flying with this prick, but at least there was someone else here to take over while I was puking. Now, I just had to hope he didn’t start up, too. It wasn’t news to anyone that he’d lost it once before. It could happen again.

“This is Scottie Dog, your captain speaking. We are go for takeoff, so make sure your tray tables are in their upright position and your asses are strapped in because this is gonna be a hard takeoff.”

“Why is this gonna be a hard takeoff?” Max asked.

I rolled my eyes. “It’s not.”

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