Page 18 of Hollywood

“I said,bullshit.You found something and it’s probably not very good and that’s why you’re keeping it to yourself.” Immediately my mind went back to all the worst case scenarios I’d conjured up over the past two days. “How bad?”

“Just drop it, Winter.” His jaw clenched, which might’ve been a sign to a smarter person to stop pushing.

In that moment I was not a smarter person. “No, I won’t justdropit Hollywood. This is my dad and he’s in real trouble, I need to know how much trouble and what kind, dammit.” I couldn’t be blindsided, I wasn’t sure I’d ever recover.

“Winter,” he growled in a warning tone.

“I am not a fucking kid,” I said to him in a controlled voice, barely above a whisper. “I know you’re supposed to be protecting my life but please don’t try to protect me from anything else. It’s not protection, it’s ignorance and let me tell you that shitisn’tbliss.” I was angry and scared, which was a really bad combination. “Hiding the truth from me now won’t matter if he ends up dead.”

“Dammit Winter! Of course he’s in trouble, what the fuck do you think that black eye was all about? It was a warning. He got mixed up with some really bad fucking people and the more questions he asks, the more danger he will be in. You too.”

I shook my head as if that could ward off the hard truth in his words. “Why would he do this, damn him?”

“He was trying to secure your future.” I knew Hollywood believed those words, but I didn’t.

“Bullshit!” I was fuming and his excuses for my dad only made it all worse. “A big pile of money won’t make up for the fact that I pretty much lost both of my parents at the same damn time. He was as gone as she was, a ghost of a man who barely looked at or acknowledged me for years.Years,Hollywood.” Tears began to fall. “I was so happy when he finally came back to me that I forgave him without him even asking for it. I loved having my dorky, slightly embarrassing dad back with his corny jokes and puns. It felt like that was only a few years ago but now I might lose him again—for real—this time because he’s trying to make up for something he’s never even apologized for. It’s fucking bullshit.” I spared a glance at the uneaten tacos and walked away from the table to cry in peace.

It wasn’t exactly how I pictured this day going but maybe I needed to hang on to this anger to get over lusting after my protector.

Chapter Eleven

Hollywood

What the fuck am I supposed to do about her tears?I wasn’t the sensitive kind of guy. I wasn’t the guy women called on when they needed a shoulder to cry on or a listening ear. I was the guy they called for a good time, a hard fuck, and a cold beer. But there I was, watching Winter pretend as if she wasn’t over there—only three hundred feet away—crying.

She was pissed off and scared shitless, I knew that, but the stubborn woman didn’t realize that she didn’t need to know everything. I wasn’t trying to hide shit from her but knowing everything was often just a fucking burden.

I understood what she was feeling now that she’d explained it and honestly, it made me want to kick Winston’s ass myself. He hadn’t been the man she needed during the years she really needed him and now, he was at risk trying to make it right. I crossed the distance between us and laid both of my hands on her delicate shoulders. “Come on, let’s head back.”

She nodded silently, keeping her back to me for a little while longer. Eventually she got her emotions under control, at least enough that she turned to me and offered a smile that only highlighted the sadness that swam in her eyes. “Let’s go,” she said after a long moment and walked towards the bike.

I pushed the bike hard, speeding on the highway because that’s what helped me when I was in a shitty mood. There wasa point on the road when you went so fast that it felt as if you were flying. That feeling was amazing, it felt like it should defy the fucking laws of gravity, and it never failed to make me just a little bit better. It was the last thing I did before I had to turn myself into prison and it was the first thing I did when the shit with the Santangelos was over.

Winter seemed to appreciate it, gripping me tight with her body molded to mine. Slowly, with each mile we passed, her body relaxed, and her arms left my body. When I glanced in the mirror, I could help but smile at how beautiful she looked—even in my bulky helmet—with her head tilted back as her hands wrapped around the passenger grips. She was as free as a person could be on the back of a motorcycle.

That smile stayed with me all the way home, but the moment the engine died, and we were alone in the silence of the rental, the tension returned. “Thanks for the ride,” she mumbled and took off for her room.

“You can’t sulk about this shit forever, Winter. It’s done and unless you have a fucking time machine, you have to deal with it later and focus on right now.”

She snorted. “Right now? You mean here in the present where I might lose my dad? Again!”

I rolled my eyes, which made her growl angrily. “Yeah, what a fucking asshole he is for trying to make it up to you that he was a hurting and shitty father to you after the love of his fucking life died. How dare he?”

“Shut the fuck up, Hollywood!”

“No,youshut the fuck up Winter. He tried to make it up to you, to give you an easier life than you had and in doing so, put his life and yours in danger.”

“You don’t know shit and neither does he! I never asked for an easier life, hell I probably wouldn’t recognize an easy life if it jumped up and bit me on the ass. What I wanted, the only thing I ever wanted was my dad, not money, so don’t tell me this is for me or about me. This is about him and his guilt.”

I opened my mouth to say something in defense of Winston, but she held up a hand just inches from my face.

“No. Don’t say anything else, but you don’t fucking know. You might be his friend, but you weren’t there, not always. He told you the good things, that he was doing fine and making it through each day. Know how I know that? Because I was the one who bought stamps and mailed those letters to you!”

Shit.

“Yeah. Just like I bought groceries, made my own meals, and forged his signature for field trips and report cards. So unless this isPowerballmoney, it won’t ever make up for feeling completely fucking alone so again, shut the hell up.”

In that moment I was struck by two things. The first was just how beautiful she looked while she was fiery and angry and tell me to shut the fuck up. The second was that I couldn’t resist her any longer. There were plenty of reasons I should, bad timing and her being my best friend’s daughter were at the top of the list, but with her face flushed from anger and her chest heaving from the heated argument, she was impossible to resist.

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