Page 73 of The Man I Love

He looked down to the water, closing his eyes to shut her out, but she continued anyway.

“You saw your father and thought the worst of me.” Her voice became more frantic.

“It happened so fast?—”

“I ran through the streets looking for you.”

His eyes met hers.

“I was so desperate to find you that I missed my gallery opening.” Tears ran down her cheeks.

Genuine remorse flashed in his eyes, but he remained silent and perfectly still.

She glanced away, for the first time acknowledging how much she mourned that night. It was her big event, and she’d missed the whole damned thing because of him. He needed to know––to see and feel her anguish. He needed to know what he’d left behind when he’d gone.

“I’m sorry.” His voice was soft, and ragged. He stepped forward.

She held up a hand. “I believe you are. I believe with my soul that you’re sorry, but that’s not good enough anymore.”

His eyes narrowed. “Sam?—”

“Fool me once—shame on you. Fool me twice…”

His eyes narrowed. “What does that even mean?” He searched her face like she’d lost her mind. Like he had no idea what she was talking about. But she’d run it through her mind a thousand times. She wasn’t crazy.

“You always assume the worst of me. You never trust me.”

He still didn’t seem to understand, “What are you talking about?”

She decided to spell it out for him. “At Renee’s wedding, when I was saying goodbye to Steven—you assumed the worst of me then. You wouldn’t even answer my phone calls so I could explain.”

His face fell with acknowledgment. He remembered. All those years ago when he’d again thought the worst.

“I gave you the benefit of the doubt back then—we’d only been together a few days and trust takes time to build. But apparently, two years wasn’t long enough either, was it?”

His hands were in his hair now, tugging on its length.

“And the thing is, it’s not just you and me anymore. I still love you, Tristan. Sometimes, I think I love you more than myself, but we’re having a baby. A baby will be here in only a couple months whether we’re ready or not.” Her hands trailed down to her belly.

“It broke me when you left. I wanted to die, it hurt so much, and it wasn’t until I realized I was pregnant that I found the will to live. Every night I would lay awake thinking about how I would ever do this alone. How could I possibly raise this child without you, but the truth is, I can’t—and I don’t want to. You’re going to be an amazing father, Tristan, and your child needs you.”

His eyes were red-rimmed, but he shook his head as though he didn’t understand. Or maybe he just didn’t want to hear any more?

“I spent the last six months forgiving you. Promising our child that I would move on, and I did. I forgive you Tristan, I forgive you for everything, because this child needs two loving parents. A mother and a father who work together and are there for everything. But to do that, this”— she waved a hand between the two of them— “can never happen again. Because it would kill me the next time, and I swear to God, I will never let my baby see me that broken.”

His face was contorted, but he took a step closer.

She held up her hand. “The physical part”—she choked back a sob—“has always been easy. We have chemistry, you and me.

For so long I thought it was fate—like a gravitational pull, we had no control over.” She paused for a long time, letting her words sink in. “If it were just you and me, I wouldn’t care. I’dride this wave over and over until we hit rock bottom. But I can’t. I won’tbecause I need to keep loving you—as my baby’s father. And I need you to keep loving me—as your baby’s mother—and I don’t think that will happen if we ever hurt each other like this again.”

He was crying now, but she forced herself to turn in the opposite direction, knowing if she stayed, she’d have to pull him into her arms and comfort him. She kicked off her shoes when she got to the shore, then picked them up one at a time as she headed back to the truck. She felt empty inside, but she climbed into her seat and fastened her seatbelt. She didn’t look back to see what he was doing, even though she desperately wanted to. She couldn’t— because she’d left a piece of her heart behind in that lake, and she didn’t have the strength to watch it die.

27

CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN

July

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