Page 19 of The Man I Love

Was saving his business worth it?

Samantha’s face popped into his mind, and he let out a breath. This wasn’t the life he’d planned for them. Wasn’t the future he’d always envisioned. A twinge deep inside his chest made him want to crumble on the floor. She deserved so much more than this. She deserved someone who could provide for her, someone she could depend on to take care of her, and if he lost his business, could he even do that?

A knock sounded at the door, and he rose from his seat so quickly that the back of his chair whacked against the wall again. Penny poked her head into his office and switched on the light. “Sorry. I’m taking off. The weather is getting bad, and the boys are afraid of thunder. I just wanted to make sure you don’t need anything before I go?”

He glanced toward the window, noticing it was pouring outside for the first time. His own misery had blinded him to everything else around him. “Nah,” he said in a voice that sounded foreign to his own ears. “Get out of here. Go enjoy your family.”

Her family…

Guilt shook his body, and he braced his hands on his desk to keep himself upright. The mental image of her two small boys made his gut wrench. Losing his business was tough, butlosing Penny was even tougher. She had stood by him from the start, back when his office was just a garage with a couple of desks and one truck. He could barely look at her. She was his responsibility. Her family was his responsibility—and he’d failed her too.

Standing in the doorway, she hesitated, her gaze sharp and unwavering, as if she was worried for his health. Like his sister, she seemed to have a sixth sense when it came to his emotions.

“Fred ordered pizza,” she said quietly. “Why don’t you come over. The boys keep askin’ for more stories of your football days.”

Tristan patted the stack of papers on his desk. “Another time, maybe. Too much work tonight.” He smiled halfheartedly, then nodded toward the window. “You be careful out there. Looks like this storm is a rough one.”

Penny’s eyes followed his line of vision toward the window, where large pellets of rain spattered against the glass. “Okay, Tris,” she whispered, but when she turned back again, her eyes were discerning, as if telling him he fooled no one. “Don’t work too hard—” She turned to leave, deliberately leaving his office door open so she could call back, “You look like shit by the way.”

He chuckled.

He waited for her engine to start before returning to his seat. He needed a miracle … and he needed to tell Samantha what was going on before Penny did.

He could tell that Samantha was growing suspicious. Her tone thelast time they spoke was softer, almost coaxing it out of him. He didn’t really blame her. By the time he’d gotten back to the office today, he’d missed a half dozen of her texts. He made up a lie about dropping his phone in a pool, but luckily, he didn’t have to use it; she didn’t answer when he finally called her back.

She deserved better than this.

She deserved better than him.

He took a deep breath, settling his eyes on the center of the room. Without thinking, he pulled the key out of his pocket and opened the drawer on his desk. He reached toward the back, his fingers curling around the small Tiffany blue box he’d put there in July. The solitaire diamond gleamed up at him when he flipped open the lid. Its radiant cut was flawless. His heart lurched to his throat; it felt as though it had been a lifetime ago when he’d bought it.

He’d meant to ask her to marry him the day he drove her to the airport.

He’d rushed home with the ring in his pocket, and it felt heavier than a thousand bricks weighing down his pants. He’d found Sam tearing apart the sofa in their living room.

“I can’t find my wallet,” she’d said. “They won’t let me on the plane without my ID!”

In that moment his only thought was on helping her. “It’s okay baby, don’t worry.”

They tore up the entire living room, only to find it later in the pocket of one of her carry-on bags.

With only an hour and a half to spare, Samantha in near tears, and a frantic drive to LAX ahead of them, they loaded up his truck and headed to the airport. She gripped his hand so tight, his own fingers turned white.

“Maybe it’s a sign that I shouldn’t go. Maybe the universe is telling me something,” she’d said as they sat in traffic.

He thought about the ring in his pocket, thought about how much easier life would be if she stayed. In a moment of pure selfishness, he considered asking her to be his wife right then and there––in traffic, on the 405 freeway, as they rushed to her flight. But he couldn’t bring himself to do it. She needed his encouragement, not for him to give her another excuse not to leave. Asking her to marry him would have made her feel uneasy about moving to New York and possibly give up on her dreams.There would be a thousand other opportunities in the future. A million distinct moments that would be magical, timeless, and perfect.Thathadn’t been the one.

He planned to spend the rest of his life with Samantha.

All his days, and all his nights.

Why rush it when his goal was eternity?

He flicked off the calculator, unaware of how much time had passed while he stared into space. After placing the ring in the drawer and locking it, he grabbed his jacket from the back of his chair. When the bell chimed in the front office, he lifted his chin. “Pen, is that you?” he called out, strolling into the lobby.

He stopped dead in his tracks, one arm in his coat, when he saw Samantha standing in the doorway. She wore a black hoodie that was soaked to the bone from the rain. Wisps of hair clung to her face, and droplets of water dripped from her nose. Despite her disheveled appearance, she was a mirage to a man who was dying of dehydration. Tristan's heart lurched into his throat and he leaned against the office door to steady himself.

“Do you come here often?” he called out to her, his voice filled with a playful flirtation that he reserved just for her.

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