Page 61 of Waiting for Tuesday

I faced her again, not able to control my fluster. This was something every woman should know, especially while sexually active, but I hadn’t been in a relationship for over a year. I’d been too… busy to pay enough attention.

The doctor nodded, not seeming to judge me in any way, and asked me to lie back on the table so she could conduct an internal ultrasound.

Becky moved from the table to stand by my side, holding my hand and telling me everything would be okay. I was trying to stay positive, but the reality of what was happening overwhelmed me.

I closed my eyes, trying to focus on my breathing, but then the room filled with a loud swishing sound that reminded me of a million tiny horses. I let out an audible gasp and turned toward the monitor. Tears filled my eyes, so thick they were almost blinding.

There, on the twelve inch black and white monitor, was my baby. Curled up like a tiny pea, hands and arms perfectly formed, heart beating even faster than my own.

“Oh, my God.” I looked to Becky, who may have been crying harder than me. “I’m going to have a baby.”

She nodded. “You’re having a baby.”

The doctor continued to move the ultrasound around, clicking buttons before turning to me. “It looks like…” She hit one more button. “You’re about ten weeks. Maybe eleven.”

My chest tightened, and all the air expelled from my lungs. I wiped my eyes with the back of my hand and shook my head. “That’s not possible.” I could feel the walls coming in around me at the possibility of this not being John’s baby. “I’ve had my period. I know I have.”

I looked over at Becky again, needing to convince her, because maybe if I did, I could make this nightmare untrue. That I could make this baby John’s, instead of a man I barely remembered.

I looked at Becky’s face; it was drained of all color, her eyes filled with a pain I knew she was feeling for me. “Remember when you came to my apartment to help with invoices? I had it then, I know it.”

Dr. Kim’s brows furrowed, and she rested one hand on my knee. “It’s common to bleed in your first trimester,” she stated. “But you are in fact, close to your second.”

A sob fell from my lips, and I covered my face with my hands. This couldn’t be.

This couldn’t be true.

Dr. Kim squeezed my knee then stood and crossed the room, where she tossed her rubber gloves to the trash and collected a handful of brochures. “I know this is a lot to take in all at once, but these will help.” She handed them over then put her hand on my shoulder. “Do you have any questions for me?”

I looked to Becky again, my lips frozen. “I’ve had alcohol. Beer, wine.” Becky shook her head, tears welling in her eyes as I looked back at Dr. Kim.

Her smile was kind. “It happens all the time. If you’re concerned, we can run some tests, but many women consume alcohol before finding out they’re pregnant. It will be okay.” She looked from me to Becky, silently waiting for more questions, but I could only stare into space.

Becky turned to her and smiled. “Thank you so much for seeing us today. I think she’s good. Just needs some time to process.”

Dr. Kim nodded. “Of course.” She smiled one last time before leaving the room and pulling the door softly closed behind her.

I turned to Becky, hardly able to contain my emotions. “You have to find him. You have to find Austin.”

She sat beside me again, knowing exactly whom I was talking about. “You don’t have to tell him, Tuesday. He walked out on you. What kind of father would he make?”

I shook my head. “It doesn’t matter what I want…” I played with the edge of my paper gown. “I spent my whole life desperate to know my own father, not caring how good or bad he was. I just wanted toknowhim. To know what he looked like, to know if he looked like me.” I grabbed a handful of my hair. “To know if he’s whereI got this.”

I squeezed my eyes shut and let my hands fall to my lap. “I won’t deny my child that. Even if the thought of telling Austin makes me uncomfortable.”

Becky laughed a little, not in a humorous way, but in a way that admitted I was right. “Are you going to tell John?”

My throat tightened, and I looked her in the eye. “I have to.”

She nodded, because really, there was no other option. I had to tell him, I just had no idea how I would bear it.

She pulled in a breath, as though this news was as difficult for her as it was for me. “What do you think he’ll say?”

I pinched the bridge of my nose, unable to answer. My heart was already splitting in two at the thought.

If my biological father wouldn’t stay, why on earth would he?

Chapter TWENTY-FIVE

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