Page 60 of Waiting for Tuesday

I grabbed her arm, my heart constricting. “I’m serious. I don’t remember. I don’t remember, Becky.” My chest grew heavy, and the air thickened around me. Becky sat on the stool opposite me andput her hands on my knees.

“Have you been using protection?”

“Yes.”

“Okay, then things are probably fine. You’ve been under a lot of stress lately, and that can affect your cycle, trust me.”

I nodded, desperately wanting to believe her, but knowing in the pit of my stomach it wasn’t true. I could almost feel the life inside me. No movement, just a glow of something that wasn’t there before.

She stood. “I’ll go get a test.”

I looked to the closed door. “I’m going with you.”

* * *

Ididn’t tellJohn I was leaving, didn’t even bother going back to my apartment before taking the test. I took it right there, in the drugstore bathroom. The very pink, very bright two lines showed up immediately. The sight of them took the strength from my knees, and I crumbled to the ceramic tile. I turned to Becky, choking. “Do you think it could be a mistake?”

She squatted down beside me, the test in her hand, her face white as she smoothed the hair from my face. “I don’t know, sweetie.”

I closed my eyes, wanting desperately not to face this, to pretend it wasn’t real and to go back to John at the store.

“Maybe we should go to the doctor?”

But Ididknow, and running away wouldn’t make this untrue. I shakily pushed myself from the floor and somehow made it to the parking lot without falling over. Becky had a friend who worked at an OB’s office, and she was able to call in a favor and have the doctor see me before the office opened again after lunch.

I peed in a plastic cup, gave blood a short while later, and then Becky and I moved to a tiny room where I changed into a paper gown and sat on a table to wait for the doctor.

The moments that followed were excruciating. All I kept thinking was how I would tell John. We’d only been together for three weeks, and babies hadn’t even been a whisper on either of our minds. We’d only just come out of the relationship closet, and now a little life, had changed everything in the blink of an eye, . I knew so little about John. What he wanted for his future, what he’d done in his past.

“I don’t know if I can do this, Becky.”

She shook her head. “Do what?”

“Be a mother. Tell John he’s going to be a father.”

”You can doanything.”

My chin sucked in involuntarily. “But what if he doesn’t want a baby?”

“What if he does?” She sat down beside me on the table, causing my paper gown to crinkle as she squeezed in closer. “I’ve seen the way he looks at you, Tuesday. If you’re pregnant, he’ll be there.”

I wanted to believe her so much, and a part of me began to have hope. He was a good man. This wasn’t ideal, but I couldn’t imagine him turning his back on his own child. I couldn’t see him walking out on us the way my father had done, but at the same time…

“I never thought this would happen to me.”

Becky tucked my hair behind my ear. “I don’t think anyone ever does, sweetie.”

There was a quick tap on the door a while later, and we both looked up.

A petite woman with dark brown hair peeked into the room. “Hi, I’m Dr. Kim.” Her smile was bright, cheerful, and easy on the nerves. She entered the room and walked across the floor to wash her hands. She dried them slowly then sat on the rolling stool in front of me, as though purposefully allowing me time to collect my emotions.

“I have a feeling this news was unexpected,” she said softly, but the tone of her voice only confirmed my fears. What I discovered in the drugstore bathroom was true: I was pregnant.

I nodded, fighting back tears.

“When was your last period?” the doctor asked.

I looked to Becky, as if expecting her to know the answer. “Umm… Six weeks ago? I don’t remember exactly.”

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