Page 54 of Waiting for Tuesday

“Well, I have to go eat something before my break is up. I’ll call you again next week?”

I smiled sadly. “Sounds great.”

“I love you, sweet pea,” she whispered.

“I love you too,” I whispered back.

I waited for her to hang up, just as I always did, before putting the phone back on the counter. It was half past noon, time for lunch, but I couldn’t eat. Even though I’d only finished half my smoothie before pouring the rest down the sink this morning.

A few minutes later, the door to the back room opened, and I sat up as the whole crew walked through the product floor. John was the last, and he only acknowledged my presence by tilting his chin up while he took a drink from his stainless steelmug.

“We’re breaking for lunch. Can we get you anything?” Leo asked, stopping by the register to wait for my reply. All I could do was shake my head, because my focus was on John as he walked out to the parking lot without saying a word.

“Suit yourself,” Leo said, grinning. I forced a smile and rose to my feet. “You guys have fun.”

He nodded, lifted an imaginary cap with his hand, and turned toward the exit.

I didn’t wait for them to pull out of the lot before heading back to my office. I sat on my couch and stretched my legs out in front of me. I wanted to scream, but at the same time, I had my confirmation. The time John and I spent together was one of the most earth-shattering nights of my life, but to him it was nothing. I was just another girl he hadasked.

Those were the last thoughts in my head before my eyelids grew heavy, and I fell asleep.

* * *

The soundof an electric saw woke me hours later. I bolted up on my elbows and pushed myself to sit on the edge of the couch to right my glasses. The room was fuzzy, and I strained to clear my vision. I glanced at my desk to check the time and cringed. Five after five, which meant I’d slept over three hours. I hadn’t fallen asleep like that in years, but with all that had been on my mind lately, I doubt I’d gotten three hours of rest all week. I gripped my skull, trying to clear my head from the fog that always settled after a nap. I still felt exhausted.

I pushed myself to stand, hoping that if I got to work I’d start to feel better, and I opened my laptop.

Before I could process even half a dozen orders, there was a quick knock at my door. John stuck his head in and lifted his chin. “We’re taking off. Need anything before we go?”

I gazed at him, searching for any fleck of emotion to cross his features, but he looked normal. He didn’t raise his brows, or give any indication his words meant more than his question, and I couldn’t help wondering if this was his way of letting me know this was over.

The guys could still be heard in the back room packing up, and I shook my head,stuffing a bar of soap into a box without checking to see if it even belonged there. Then I took a handful of lip balms and stuffed them in too, because I couldn’t understand how John and I could share the same moments, from which my heart ended up like a pulverized piece of meat, and his remained so closed, as hard as a diamond yet black as coal.

I knew I’d have to start the shipment over again when he left, but I needed to appear as though the casual way he spoke to me didn’t affect me. That I wasn’t breaking inside because he was leaving without a word of acknowledgment about what happened. I managed to shake my head, but no words could be forced from my tongue.

He nodded, and Eddie appeared behind him. “You have a good night, Ms. Patil.”

I forced a smile. “You too.”

They both left, and I took a deep breath before dumping out the contents of my last order. I should have been relieved. I’d worried about how to end things all day… and now I didn’t have to. It appeared that the only person I should have been worrying about was myself. He was fine… Could sleep with me and be completely unaffected the next day. He was an adult, pretending nothing happened, even though it did.

Things did happen.

Big things.

Deep down, vulnerable things—things I wasn’t prepared for—and now I was paying the price.

I pushed myself back from my desk and closed my eyes. I’d convinced myself I could sleep with him with no emotional investment, that we could have this short affair and go our separate ways. But somehow, in a short amount of time, a part of me had fallen in love with him.

I let my head fall back to my shoulders with the realization. “How did you let this happen?”

* * *

Icontinuedto process the rest of the orders in tears, adding them to the crate scheduled to be picked up by the postman in the morning. I cried for a good fifteen minutes, allowing myself to mourn his loss, even though he was never mine in the first place.

I took the box to the front room and placed it by the door. Then I grabbed the notes I made for a summer line from the top of the register and headed again for the back room. Instead of crying like I wanted to, I was determined to be productive, to push John from my mind like he’d done with me the moment I’d walked out of his room last night.

When I reached the supply closet, I loaded my arms with oils, herbs, and butters. I carried them to the kitchen, disregarding the fact it was under construction, and set them up on the dust-filled counter. The debris of sawdust, scraps of wood, and nails was at least a quarter-inch thick.

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