Page 54 of Rust and Stardust

“You don’t sound like a hick,” I replied, trying to calm him down. “You just sound… I don’t know… nice.”

“Nice?”

“Yeah. Nice. Everyone back in New York sounds like a fucking robot, like they’re nothing but cold metal and wires inside. But here… I don’t know… people have soul here.”

Logan lifted an eyebrow. “That’s because you’re too naïve to hear their nasty remarks tucked neatly between their words.” He ran his hands through his hair again, shaking his head as he flopped down on the bed. “I spent my entire life listening to people call me nasty things in the nicest way possible. It was infuriating.”

I walked over, taking a seat next to him. “This place wasn’t kind to you, was it?”

“No,” he huffed. “Growing up here fucking sucked.”

“Is that why you want to go through with this so badly?” I glanced down at him, realizing something I hadn’t until that moment. “To get revenge on all those people that hurt you?”

“No!” He paused. “I… I don’t know. Maybe…”

“It’s okay if you feel that way,” I replied, looking back to the other wall to give him a little space. “I feel that way about my parents. Sometimes I wanna drive back to the hills in Pennsylvania, kick down their door, and just scream until they feel as bad as I did living there.”

“Yeah… that’s what it feels like.”

“I get it. I really do.” I turned myself sideways on the bed, resting my head against Logan’s side. “I guess there’s a reason you and I became such good friends. We’ve got more in common than I thought.”

“Who would’ve thought the two damaged gays in the office would end up working together?”

“Like attracts like I guess.”

We sat there for a long moment, just existing in our newfound revelation.

“You know, when you told me about Sagebrush for the first time… I thought you loved it. You spoke so fondly of this place. I thought you’d be glad to go home.”

Logan let out a long sigh. “I do love it here. I love the sky, the plains, the hills, and even all the damn dust. But every time I look at it, all I can do is remember how bad everyone was to me. How they treated me as if I didn’t belong, like something was wrong with me.” He paused. “The good in this place feels… tainted.”

“Do you think anything would ever make it better?”

Logan sighed again, shrugging his shoulders. “I don’t know. And I’m not sure I’m willin’ to stick around long enough to find out.”

I turned my head, catching his gaze. “What if I was here?”

“What? What do you mean?”

“What if we were both here?” I explained. “People in this town have changed, Logan. Nobody even batted an eye about Beau and me. So why would they care about you?”

“Beau Turner…” he scoffed. “He could never do any wrong, anyway. He’s always been a saint to these people.”

“He’s a good man, Logan,” I said a bit defensively. “I know that for certain.”

“Yeah, I’m sure he is.” He didn’t sound convinced as he rolled away from me, facing the wall. “But that’s not gonna matter when we leave tomorrow morning. No matter how nice he is, I’m notcomin’ back to this place again. I don’t want to. These people don’t deserve my forgiveness.”

I sat up, letting out a long sigh. Logan was upset and I couldn’t blame him for it. I was still mad about my parents and my hometown too. Going back there wasn’t something I wanted to do ever again and there I was, trying to convince him to do that same thing.

“Logan,” I said softly, patting him on the shoulder. “I’m sorry things were so shitty here for you. I understand, I really do.” I paused for a moment, debating whether to continue. “And I’m sorry the past still has such a hold on you. I hope that goes away sooner rather than later so you can heal and enjoy your life again.”

Pushing myself up from the bed, I slipped on my shoes and headed for the door. It wasn’t until I’d pulled it open that I heard Logan turn over.

“Where are you going?”

“I told you, I’ve got a man to support. I might be about to betray his trust, but I’m gonna be the best boyfriend I can while I have the chance. Even if… Even if it’s only for tonight. He deserves that much at least.”

“Are you gonna be on that plane in the morning?”

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