Page 63 of This Haunted Heart

“Hm.” He let my hands go, and they dropped into my lap, suddenly heavy.

If he was gone, that was my fault. I’d done this to him. Though it hadn’t been my intention, I’d put those scars on his body. I’d made him kill his pa. I’d brought on the ghosts that haunted his heart. I’d put the sadness in him.

But I couldn’t believe all was lost. Lochlan was in there still. I saw him sometimes. He was in his smile. I heard him in his laugh, felt him in his gentleness, found him when his gilded brown eyes went soft. He was hiding somewhere just behind all that melancholy and darkness. I’d give anything to reach deep enough inside him so I could pull him back out. Every dollar of my life’s savings. Every precious book. Every stitch of clothing. Every drop of blood in my veins, every gasp in my lungs. Every beat of my heart. I’d trade it all for him.

“I’m sorry,” I told him again, this time with great feeling. I meant my words from the bottom of my heart. It wasn’t just the scratches I was sorry for. He knew what I meant—I could see it in his eyes, the subtle shift from Finley the pirate back to Lochlan again. “I’ll never stop being sorry.”

Whatever remained of Lochlan, I’d find it and cherish it. A smile. A laugh. A look. Those were my tokens.

Eventually, he untied my hands and ankles. I opened the jar he had used to treat my injury and sniffed the herbs inside. He let me rub the balm into the worst of his scratch marks, smearing it across his sun-warmed skin with the pad of my thumb.

He stared into my eyes as I did so, like he was trying to read something in them.

“Goodnight, Rynn,” he said when I’d finished.

I screwed the lid back onto the jar and returned it to him. “Sweet dreams.”

He packed the supplies back into the kit, then tucked it under his arm. He made it as far as the door before I stopped him.

“Loch?” I didn’t want him to go. Not yet. I hated seeing the back of him.

He turned to look at me, the flecks of bronze in his striking eyes catching in the lantern light. “What is it?”

I swallowed hard. “Will you please stay with me tonight?”

“Stay . . . to sleep?” he asked cautiously. He was quick to comfort me when I had bad dreams, but he hadn’t tried to be with me, hadn’t tried to kiss me or touch me. Not since I learned who he really was.

“Not to sleep.”

His brow wrinkled and then softened again as the depth of my request settled over him. “Sweetheart,” he cooed, “that’s such a bad idea.”

“I know, I know,” I groaned at the ceiling, anticipating his reluctance. I’d wronged him deeply, and he didn’t trust me. But I wanted him to. “Will you please do it anyway? It’s only that I miss my Loch dreadfully. Don’t go.”

He stood there, shifting his weight, chewing on his cheek.Then his gaze crawled over me and his pupils expanded. “How am I supposed to say no to you? Ever? Have you seen you? Do you have any concept what you look like right now?”

My tremoring lips managed a small smile. “You’re not supposed to say no to me.”

He set down his kit and supplies on the dresser, then he padded over to my side of the bed. “I know how you like it when I treat you roughly, but your Loch would want to do things very differently.”

A knot of emotion tightened my throat. “I love that about him.”

“He isn’t capable of fucking you just for fun. He’d want to make love to you properly.”

My chin dipped. “I know,” I whispered. “That’s what I want, too.”

His hands came up to cup both sides of my face, capturing my gaze with his. “Do you mean that, Rynn?”

I covered his fingers with mine, hoping he felt my earnestness in the touch. “Of course I do.”

“No tricks?”

“No tricks,” I vowed.

He undressed down to his drawers. I was already in my underthings, so I waited, leaning my weight back against the pillows, enjoying the view. Then Lochlan tossed aside the heavy blankets and crawled under the sheet.

I laughed when he pulled the bedding up over his head. “What are you doing?”

In answer, he caught me around the ankles. I yelped in surprise when he dragged me under. With the linen tented above us, he covered my body with his. I felt his mirth reverberating through my chest.

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