Page 56 of Mated to the Mad Marquess

He exhaled slowly, trying to push the clinging emotions far away before they knotted him up and he melted into a puddle before her just like his soul had. “You know I can’t do that.”

“I want to change your mind,” she breathed. “I . . . I just can’t think how.”

“Please. Please don’t make this harder on me.”

As she climbed to her feet, Malcolm remained in the grass, hot tears mingling with the rain, dripping down his face, gathering in the scruff on his jaw. He didn’t watch her leave, couldn’t bring himself to do it.

He rolled onto his back, the ground slurping around him, allowing the downpour to pelt his body. He didn’t move from that place in the courtyard for what felt like an age.

Hrafn was gone from the fortress. He felt it in their blooming bond the moment she departed. The bond disliked it almost as much as he did. His heart was an open wound in his chest.

I hate you, Solis wept.

“I hate me too,” Malcolm said.

* * *

The following morning, Malcolm joined what remained of the small child-like shadows in the sitting room. There were only two littles left. Lumpy and Ember, the last shadows were called, and after absorbing the others and growing, they were about the size of two small toddlers made of smog.

He knew Margot and Susan had grown attached. He brought them along so they could say their goodbyes. Clapa too—she watched the goings on, perched in his hair, holding his antlers.

Malcolm rocked the clumpy lumps of darkness in his lap, waiting for their final moment of merging.

“Are you ready?” he asked Solis.

His shadow bristled, still testy about his dismissal of their mate from the day before. Malcolm felt numb about the whole thing, like he’d cut off his own arm and his body had gone into shock, and now he couldn’t feel anything at all.

They’d been resisting this moment. It was one of the reasons the little shadows hadn’t formed together yet. It didn’t usually take quite so long. He and Solis hadn’t wanted to fully acknowledge the pull of their full strength. That way, they might still need Hrafn.

“Come on now,” Malcolm said. “It’s time to do what’s best for them.”

Solis pouted.What about what’s best for us?

“We do our duty,” Malcolm said to his soul. “That’s what’s best for us.”

Grumbling, Solis joined with him, and Malcolm winced; the sharp stab of heartbreak in his soul pinched his chest and made his stomach go hard.

Margot sniffled. “Goodbye Lumpy, goodbye Ember.” From Malcolm’s head, Clapa chittered at her comfortingly.

“Aw,” Susan said, putting an arm around her friend’s shoulder. “There, there.” Her blue eyes were watery.

The shadowy lumps warmed on his lap, and then they came together, the same way Solis had come together with him. Malcolm stood, and the shadow took to the air. It circled Margot first in farewell, stirring her skirts, then Susan, weaving between the two women affectionately. Parting from them, it met Clapa midair. It surrounded her and spun her about, and the fairy child giggled and snorted.

Malcolm crossed to the balcony and pushed open the glass door. Slowly, the reformed shadow followed him.

“Go on,” he said warmly.

It hesitated there, like a storm cloud without any wind to push it onward. He ran his fingers through its dark mass. It felt like mist, and he smiled a sad smile. The shadow flew out over the balcony.

It had a new master now, but shadows needed to be free. They needed to chase the light. In that way, he was more like their father, because if a father loved his children, he let them grow up and move on.

Without him.

A lump grew in his throat as he watched the shadow float away from the balcony. Margot and Susan came to stand on either side of him. They locked their arms in his, and he was grateful for the contact. He let them comfort him.

“I told you not to name them,” he said, and his voice broke.

“Aw, you poor dear,” Susan said. “You didn’t want us to name them because it’s harder on you, isn’t it?”

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