Page 99 of Empowering the Wolf's Heart

I told Alia I had to leave the day before the Blood Moon, as it was the first day of the full moon. She nodded, though I was not certain she even heard me.

Head Enforcer Markus gave me a nod on my way out. He was one of the few I trusted to protect her while I was gone.

It nearly broke me to leave, but it would be absolutely devastating should I be unable to return.

Alia

The baby sphinxdied in my arms. His sister was recovering, but this baby… he was too emaciated and the wound was too deep. Not even Doc nor a mage stone could save him. Even mage stones weren’t all-powerful, nor could it save us from the eventual end that comes for all.

I gently closed his eyes and kissed his little bird head. The feathers were coarse and hard beneath my lips. Most legends said the sphinx had the head of a woman, but these guys had the head of an eagle and a scrunched beak that could almost be seen as human from the right angle. But the eyes... The eyes were undeniably human. They conveyed human emotion. Like fear. Pain. And utter sorrow and betrayal.

The child’s last expression would be branded into my mind’s eye for eternity.

Doc set a hand on my shoulder and I jumped, a blade in my hand before I could blink. I stared up at his light-blue eyes behind his glasses. Understanding swam in them.

He saw my pain. He felt it.

“I’m sorry…,” I began, my voice breaking as I sheathed the blade.

“You have nothing to apologize for, my dear. I startled you, so I should apologize.”

I nodded, turning back to the babe. I would have to tell his mother. After all she’d been through, she may die of a broken heart.

“Why?” I whispered.

“Why what, Alia?” Doc asked in a gentle voice.

“Why can we not save them? We know their needs. We have every resource available. But even with everything here, we still lost him.” My voice choked off as my soul screamed. Everything was hitting so quickly. Shen had left, Elder Pulma had just told me off for using so many of our resources for a dead man’s errand and not giving enough toourpeople. And now, the little guy we fought so hard to save…

My heart was already broken. Now, it shattered as if an anvil had been dropped on a broken chalice.

“Who is in charge of this world, Alia?” Doc said.

“Source,” I replied without a second thought.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw him nod as he took a seat. We were in a cordoned-off cubby in the Matriarch’s Tent, which looked nothing like it once did. Where there was a dias and large open area before, now there were about thirty cordoned off areas for the sickly and four large areas for intake of the sickly where some of the larger creatures had to remain. There were healers, nurses, helpers, assistants, huggers, and everything in between running around between those cordoned off areas within these walls. We sequestered the different areas with skins and sheets—literally whatever we could find to give some privacy to those coming to us with needs.

It was beautiful. And it was dreadful. Thus was the life of a Giver.

“And who is the master of life and death?” Doc asked, bringing me back to the present.

“The Creator,” I said.

He nodded, leaning forward and rubbing the little sphinx’s head with his thumb before sitting back and wiping a tear from his eye. “So many times, we like to think ourselves more than we are, little one. You see, if we believe we are responsible for the death, we can change it by doing better in the future so it doesn’thappen again, right?” He shook his head, turning to meet my eyes with tears floating in the bottom of his lids. “But dearest one, we can only do so much. The actual healing is not in our hands, but in the hands of the one who loves us most.” He took out a handkerchief and wiped his eyes. “That doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt. What we feel and do is still valid, but in the end, we are not the ones responsible for the ultimate healing. All we can do is our very best, and the rest, we must put into Source’s hands for safekeeping.”

I bent my head over the little sphinx’s head, giving him one last squeeze. “Fly high with my grandpa, little one. Let him know I love him. I entrust you to the one who made you now,” I whispered, my bottom lip trembling.

I closed his sightless eyes and stood.

I glanced over at Doc, who was staring into the distance, as if seeing those who he had lost in times before. He knew my pain, but he also knew how to surrender what’s not our burden to carry. “Thank you,” I whispered.

He glanced up with a sad smile.

I walked out, hoping this death wouldn’t cause another and knowing that that ultimately wasn’t in my hands. I was doing my absolute best, giving all I could. I would entrust the rest to Source.

That night, as I cuddled the little baby female sphinx who was slowly recovering, she looked at me with eyes so trusting and so gentle that my heart both melted and even mended just a bit.

Perhaps we didn’t do it for the ones we lost along the way, although we would always carry them in our hearts. Perhaps we did it for those who lived.

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