Page 125 of Empowering the Wolf's Heart

“It is a good name. A strong name.”

“Papa would be appalled at what I have become.”

“Your father would be shocked at what you have been through, yes. Appalled at what you did, also yes. But he would be proud of the man you have become.”

Why his words brought light to the darkness drowning my chest was a mystery. “You stab straight to the heart,” I said, though I was smiling.

Doc turned the page of his book. “It is why you come to me, yes?”

I leaned my elbows against the top step. “How does one go about getting over what I have been through?”

I heard a thud. I glanced back to see the book laying on the ground and Doc pulling his glasses off to stare at me. “Are you free, my boy?”

A tiny smile crossed my face. He sat back, almost as if his entire body had given way.

“Oh, dear boy. How long have I awaited this day!” He slowly picked up his book, hiding his deep grey eyes from me. But they still shined with a sheen of tears when he glanced up, searching me. “And how do you feel?”

I shook my head. “Adrift.”

Doc nodded, sucking his pipe and puffing out the smoke. “Makes sense. Everything you have ever known has changed in an instant, and you are now responsible for all the choices you make.”

I dropped my chin to my chest. “Yes,” I whispered.

I heard his amused puff of air. “The little Red rubbed off on you, huh? Of course she did. She is a right catch, that one.”

“She is my fated mate.”

Doc whistled. “I figured she was special to you. Did not realize how much?—”

“I killed her grandfather.”

His mouth closed with a snap of his teeth. “You did wha… oh dear. Better to begin at the beginning, my boy. This sounds like a right tale. I will get the missus to bring us some tea.”

Doc whistled.“Your tale is quite unique. What do you want to do now?”

I ran a hand through my hair, my emotions sending spikes of pain down to my chest. It was also… freeing. A nice release. Even if it hurt, it was a healing pain. “I want to be strong. For her. But she does not seem to mind my weakness, nor does she covet my strength. I do not know how to make her see that I can care for her. She does not want to be protected, although she needs to be protected from herself. She gives and gives until she nearly dies and then gets up and does it again. I fear one day she will give and it will be her last. She has a heart so pure, so soft and kind, but strong enough to lead an entire people into a new idea they need yet do not wish to accept. I want to be there for her. I wanther to ask me for what she needs instead of me having to guess. I want to be strong enough to help her mentally and physically.”

“But what doyouwant, Sheng-Li? What are your goals now that you are free? You seem to have become obsessed with your mate, which is easy to do, I assure you, especially at this stage. But it is not healthy. She is not your everything, she is your other half. Your partner, should she allow it. She cannot provide you with the healing you need in order to be a healthy individual who can release the past and let the dead lie. So I ask again, what doyouwant?”

I put my head in my hands and tugged on my hair. “I do not know,” I confessed.

Doc leaned back, his chair creaking. “Good, good. It is fine not to know. When you dreamed of this day, what did you wish for?”

A small smile crossed my face. “I wished for my siblings to race in the woods. To protect the innocent and the weak so the training I had gone through would not be in vain. To release my darkness so it would not taint my present.”

“Now we are talking. Let us begin with the last, shall we? Why can you not release it?”

“You know as well as I the sin I have. I gave into the bloodlust that day and let it soothe the pain.”

“You allowed the drug of pain to soothe the pain of losing your father to the Reds. You killed the one you felt responsible who turned out to be innocent, and that led you down an unforgivable path in your mind, correct?” I did not have to say it for the thoughts to be plain on my face. Doc always read me too well. “I understand your thoughts. You were a thirteen-year-old child, Sheng-Li. You were not yet a man. You were trained in the art of war and shocked into action. You made a mistake. A terrible, horrible mistake. One you need to atone for. One you must ask the Creator to forgive you for, because only he canabsolve you of your wrongdoing. He is a just King and will gladly do so should you come to him. He knows you deeper than any other being will ever be able. In his eyes, you are his son. Now and always. And what you did was a mistake.”

“You make it sound so very simple. I killed a man. Took him from his family. Created the same pain in my mate as I had for losing my father.”

“You did that, yes. You did that. But can you go back and change it?” he asked. I shook my head. “Seems to me your little firecracker has yet to kill you, so I do suppose she has forgiven you. But she saw something beyond her years. Until you release the shame, you cannot live in the now, and that is not something she is willing to put up with. So you have a decision to make. Will you hold so tightly to your shame because it feels normal and safe and miss what life has to offer?Orwill you let it go and stop playing the victim of the past and take control of your future? You have a power, my boy. You always have, you just needed to be in a place to see it. Your strength is now in your decisions. You may not yet see it, but choice is the greatest power any of us will ever hold. And remember, a decision made is nearly always better than a decision left to fester until it is made for you.”

I nodded. Not entirely certain I understood all that, but it was something I would take and chew on. Alia needed help. Everything she was holding onto was slowly killing her, whether she knew it or not.

And then I saw it.

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