Page 57 of Shadow and Skulls

My mother’s depressed again. I should have seen it coming. It’s always the same. Very happy, happy, manic, sad, very sad, and then suicidal. Then the cycle repeats itself, and she goes back to being very happy. She’s currently very sad. I’ve come to realize that when she gets to this phase, she has to come up with a reason for it, and that reason usually ends up being me. There’s no one else to blame.

It hurts that she blames me, but it’s okay because I know it means she’ll be back to happy soon.

Today, Dr. Williams asked my mother to bring my Uncle James along. He showed up last week unannounced while Mom was in full-blown manic mode. I got five new Barbie dolls out of it this time. She likes to shop during the manic stage.

“Kelsie, I think it best if you go stay with your Uncle James for a while. Your mother needs a little break.”

This gets my attention. I glance over at my uncle. He smiles at me. I begin to shake my head, tightly gripping the arms of the chair. My uncle lives in a different state, and I barely know him.

“Now don’t make this any harder for your mother than it already is. It’s just temporary. Your mom is in a fragile state, and you, well, you don’t like to make life any easier for her, do you?”

My brows pull together and my chest clenches painfully. I know that’s not true. I always do my best to be good for my mother. Especially when she’s sad. She begins to cry, and I think maybe she’s going to stand up for me this time, but that’s not what she does. She just rushes out of the room.

Dr. Williams and my uncle exchange a look. They both stand and shake hands. “It’s been nice doing business with you,” Dr. Williams says to my uncle. “I’m sure this will be the beginning of a great partnership.”

My uncle nods, his eyes roaming over me. Dr. Williams leaves the room, and my uncle holds his hand out to me.

“Come on, sweetheart. We have a plane to catch.”

“Kelsie … Kelsie,” Tank whispers over my face. “Come back to me.”

“She didn’t stand up for me!” I cry out.

“I know, baby. I know.” Tank wraps his hand around the back of my head, pulling my face against his chest. “You need to work through this. You’ve come so far. But I promise I’m going to wait for you,” he reassures me.

“My soul doesn’t care about healing. It just found you.”

He grabs me tighter. “That’s why you’ll need to love it for the both of us. You need to speak to it gently while it heals, okay? Mine isn’t going anywhere. It knows of your existence. There’s no escaping me now.”

I chuckle sadly into his shirt.

“I have something else to tell you,” he says. “I dated a woman who was also a victim of Dr. Williams. She … she cheated on me with him. I don’t know what the man put her through or why she remained so loyal to him over the years. My guess is that he had something on her. It was the end of us when I found out. A few years later, I visited her. I gave her my forgiveness so I could move on, and the next day she tried to kill herself. She’s been unresponsive ever since.”

I sit up, staring at him. “My mom tried to kill herself after she learned what my uncle had been making me do. She took pills … she … she’s also unresponsive.”

He presses a kiss to my forehead. “I know. They are in the same nursing facility.”

Oh my god. I’ve never believed in six degrees of separation, but Tank and I seem to be connected in ways I could never have imagined. Maybe he’s right, and there is an invisible thread between us.

“Do you feel guilt over what she did?”

He nods, looking away. “But I know it wasn’t my fault.”

“My mom used to blame me, you know, for her depression. It wasn’t the first time she tried to kill herself, but it was the last one …”

When he turns back to me, he looks me dead in the eye. “My ex and your mom were both responsible for regulating their own emotions. Don’t ever take responsibility for the way someone else is feeling. Our feelings are our own.”

No one has ever understood me in the way he does. He’s right. My mother’s mental illness was a cross for her to bear. I don’t need to carry it with me the rest of my life. Maybe he’s right. Maybe I do have a little more healing to do.

Tank continues to hug me, neither of us speaking. Hours pass us by as we embrace each other. It’s going to be hard to let go.

Eventually, he eases his hold on me. “You should get back home,” he says quietly.

This is it. This is goodbye … at least for now. I don’t know when we’ll have a chance to be alone again. Slowly, I begin to roll my hips. I let my eyes fall to his lips right before I press my mouth to his.

His fingers wrap around my waist, stopping me. “Little shadow, don’t tempt me.”

“It’s okay to give into temptation once in a while, isn’t it?” I ask, leaning away from him, placing my hands behind me, bracing them on his knees.

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