I glance out the window. “When I was a little girl, they had this festival every year. I don’t remember what it was called, but I know it happened in the fall because I remember vividly the sound of the leaves crunching under my feet.”
My parents go still. They aren’t used to me talking about my childhood. And that’s my fault. I’ve never shown them anything of the me I was before meeting them. I thought I could just begin anew right there and shove the rest into a dark corner.
But then Jason broke the illusion. Made me realize I hadn’t been living authentically. I was going through the motions, pretending I was someone I wasn’t.
“Anyway, every year the people in town would make lanterns, and then we would hang them along a path that ran down by the river. You could make your lantern out of whatever you wanted. Some were glass, some wooden, some steel.”
I close my eyes, picturing it in my mind. My mom laughing as we dance down the path, stopping to admire everyone’s creativity. The smell of dying leaves and earth. The wind. Home.
Tank reminds me of home.
“Did your family make one?” Lily asks, interrupting my thoughts.
I open my eyes slowly, looking at her. “Every year.”
She smiles at this. “It sounds wonderful.”
“It was. I always loved it because it was the one time out of the year my mother wasn’t depressed.”
Her smile falls at that.
So, I do my best to right it again. “We always went back a few days after the festival had ended. We would collect all the lanterns that were left behind. I could never understand how the people who made them could leave them there, but I was glad for it. There wasn’t a lantern I didn’t love. We had them hanging all around our backyard. It was magical. It’s the happiest memory from my childhood.”
“Awe, baby, thank you for sharing that with us.”
I hug my legs. “I’m sorry if I have been holding back. I just … I guess I was trying to figure out how to navigate life.”
A little laugh escapes me. “The last lantern my mom and I made was out of a tin can. You know, like a family sized soup can or something. My mom spent hours punching little holes in it to make the design.”
I start to cry, remembering it was also the last time I ever saw my mom smile.
My parents both hug me. I bury my face in my mom’s chest as my dad’s arms tightly wrap around us both.
“I have something to tell you. Something I’ve never told anyone,” I cry, knowing that it’s time to put my past to rest so I can move forward.
I want to be free.
Chapter Sixteen
Kelsie
Tank is leaning back on his bike, flicking a knife open and closed when I walk up to the church. I pause, lurking behind a tree, not making myself known. My stomach does that little flutter thing, reminding me that my libido works just fine.
“This place is creepy enough without you prowling in the dark trying to spook me,” he says, tipping his head back to look up at the moon.
A smile tugs at the corner of my mouth as I step into the light. “Says the man who’s been stalking me. I was just going to ask why you didn’t wait for me inside.”
His head drops, and his gaze lazily roams over me. “No thank you.”
I laugh, twirling in a circle before darting past him and entering the building. Quickly, I hide around the corner. He chuckles darkly, following me inside.
As soon as he walks past me, I step behind him and pull the door closed. He pauses, shivering dramatically.
I place my back against the door. “You don’t fool me. I don’t think you’re scared at all.”
He turns around, pinning me with his piercing green eyes. The air leaves my lungs at their intensity.
“I’m going to tell them tomorrow,” he says suddenly.