Page 4 of Shadow and Skulls

Shrugging, I push off the couch to stand. “It’s lame. That’s all. I’ve got a paper to write tonight. I need to get home.” I move to stand in front of the door, waiting for him.

He sighs, following my lead.

When we get out to his bike, he hands me a helmet. I grab it, but he doesn’t let go. “You need to tell your mother you quit the team, Kelsie.”

“I will,” I lie.

He doesn’t buy it. “What are you going to do when they come to a game and you’re not on the side of the court cheering?”

My head falls.I know. I know.I’ve been trying to figure out an answer to that question myself, but I haven’t come up with anything.

“Just tell her why you quit. She’ll understand.”

All I can do is sigh. My mom and JD are not only business partners, they’re also best friends.

He releases the helmet, and I shove it on my head before climbing on the back of the bike behind him.

“It will be best if she hears it from you. It’s not that big of a deal.”

That’s the second time I’ve heard that phrase tonight.

It’s no big deal.

When we pull into my driveway, I see my brothers sitting on the front porch. JD reaches down and pats my calf after we pull to a stop.

“Promise me you’ll come to me if you need anything.”

I slide off the bike as the boys watch me. “Thanks for the ride,” I say, making no promises. I give him a kiss on the cheek and then turn to face my brothers.

JD pulls onto the road, giving my dad a one fingered salute as he pulls in.

I try to hurry into the house, to avoid running into my father, but Cole reaches out and snags me.

“Why are you with JD? You left with Jason. Where is he?”

Jerking my arm out of his grip, I glare up at him. “It’s none of your business.”

Carson nods toward my sweats, his eyes pulling tight at the corners. “Kels, just answer him. What happened?”

There was a time when I loved these two more than life itself. But then they left, and nothing’s been the same since. “Why should I tell the two of you? So you can go and tell everyone?”

I storm past them both, slamming the front door behind me. I rush up the stairs, falling onto my bed in a fit of tears.

The door quietly clicks shut behind me. When the bed dips, I sit up and barrel into my dad’s chest. He doesn’t ask me anything, and I love him for that. I couldn’t speak if I wanted to, because the bad feeling is back. I haven’t felt it in such a long time. I’d hoped it was gone.

My mind wanders back to my encounter with Jason as I let my dad hold me in the safety of his arms.

Beige … I think I’ll paint the ceiling beige.

I remember when I first heard that joke. It made me wonder if all women escaped the way I did … do. The way the mind can so easily ignore the body, focusing on anything besides what’s happening to it.

Tonight confirmed it doesn’t matter who I’m with. My mind will always wander from reality. I couldn’t even stay present with my boyfriend.

Jason and I started dating around this time last year. I’ve never let him go further than kissing me. Not because I’ve been scared. It’s because I haven’t wanted to face the fact I might truly be broken.

I grab my stomach as the sick feeling infects me, sneaking into my veins. I don’t like the way I feel when I’m with a man. Like I’m bad. Wrong. Disgusting.

All the therapy in the world can’t fix it, either. I know my thoughts are intrusive, and I can recognize them easily enough as they creep in. Even though I’ve learned to rationalize all of that, it doesn’t stop my body from reacting to or feeling it.

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