Page 122 of Roses and Skulls

Tears fall freely down my face as I take in the beauty before me. I want to live. I do but I know it will be a constant battle to keep the blade at bay. That’s not the kind of mother I want to be.

This should be a simple thing. Open the box, take out the pill and swallow. Easy but so damn hard. Fuck! I don’t even know if I’m pregnant. I’m sure I’m not, so what does it matter? If I take it, no big deal. It’s just a precaution.

Elijah’s smiling face enters my mind. He will make beautiful babies someday, with big brown eyes just like his. Or at least that is how I see them in my mind.

What do I do?

I lie back on the ground and stare up at the clouds. But what if there is a baby and it belongs to Draven? When I picture a baby from him, I see the exact same child but always in Elijah’s arms.

There is always a chance that Elijah might not stay if it…

I squeeze the box in my hand. It doesn’t matter. So much has been stolen from me. I will not let Draven have this too. If I’m pregnant, this baby is mine. Mine. And that is all that matters.

My fist flies through the air, the box landing with a splash in the water. It floats there, as does my heart.

As I make my way back to the truck, I see that Dan is watching me closely.

“Ready?” he asks when I hop in.

“Yes,” I whisper, my breath fogging up the glass as I look out my window. “I’m going to need you to keep this between you and I.”

He starts to shake his head.

“Dan, I need time.” I turn to face him. My fingers tremble as I pull my phone out and make a call to let my uncle know just how serious I am.

His brows furrow as he listens to my side of the conversation, and I watch as his big heart breaks.

“I’ll be home before you know it,” I say hoarsely after I hang up the phone.

He grabs the back of my head and pulls me across the seat towards him. “I’m so proud of you. You’ve got this, baby girl.”

Elijah is pissed by the time we get back. He’s pacing back and forth like a caged tiger in front of Dan’s house. His gaze meets mine as we pull in.

I get out and stand in front of him.

“You never had any intention of shooting today, did you?” he asks, looking down his nose at me.

“Nope,” I pop the p and turn to get in the rod, waiting for him there.

Dan says something to him, and Elijah runs his hands over his head, frustrated that I went to someone else and not to him. He storms over the gravel and jerks the door open, getting in beside me.

“Rosie, please talk to me. I’m dying inside. I see you’re suffering, and you won’t let me in. Please let me in,” he begs.

“Elijah, I’m… I’m not okay.”

He groans, gripping the steering wheel so hard I think it might break in half.

“But you can help me with something,” I soothe, turning in my seat to face him.

“I’ll help you with anything,” he says without thought, sitting up straighter.

The corner of my mouth lifts in a smile at his eagerness to help. I almost feel bad because this is not going to end the way he wants. “I need to talk to my parents. Can you be there with me?”

His warm brown gaze pulls me in, making my toes tingle. “Absolutely,” he agrees, reaching over and threading our fingers together. He pulls our hands to his mouth and places a kiss on the back of my hand.

Back at the warehouse, we find them sitting together in the kitchen, my mom’s hands stained with black paint as she pulls a cup to her mouth. “Hey, you guys got a minute?”

They both look at us above the rims of their cups. I give them a big smile, and they relax. My dad goes to the coffee pot. “You guys want a cup?”

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