Page 56 of Roses and Skulls

Slowly, he looks at me. I fight to not glance away. He nods.

“Why?” I ask, hugging my leg to me.

He leans back on the bench. “I don’t know. I guess because you made them. You don’t draw me pictures to hang on the fridge anymore. I’m proud of them.” He shrugs. “And it made me feel close to you.” His head turns away from me so I can’t see the emotions playing out over his face.

The wind blows gently, and I close my eyes. I know what I need to do. I have to start somewhere. Maybe this won’t hurt as bad as I think it will. But I must do it. I owe this man something.

I rub my hand over my throat, the words feeling stuck there.

The chimes jingle in the wind and I look up, taking it all in. “The night of the accident, Grandpa asked me if I heard them. I was so confused because I didn’t hear anything. Then he told me that he could hear wind chimes and that they were whispers from Heaven.”

My dad slides closer, putting his arm around me. He pulls me into his chest.

“I thought maybe I could hear him through them, but none of them worked.”

He squeezes me tighter.

“Until I came here.” I sit up and turn to fully face him. “I… I was so embarrassed at what you saw today that I didn’t even notice the chimes when I got here. I just rushed for the bathroom to…” I wince and look away from him.

“What are you saying?” he asks calmly, a slight crack to his voice.

I rub my lips together, struggling to find the right words. “In my mind I didn’t see a way past what happened today.”

He makes a strangled noise beside me. I know I’m hurting him right now, but I have to start somewhere. I can’t even look at him. I just can’t stand to see how much pain I might be causing. But I need to finish what I started. “But then I heard them, the chimes.” He places his hand at the back of my head, pulling me towards him, resting his chin on the top of my head. “I heard him but not like he was a ghost or anything. I just heard his words from the past.” My fingers wrap around his t-shirt as it catches my tears.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, dad,” I whimper.

“It’s okay, baby. It’s okay. We’re going to get through this. I promise.”

I push off his chest and stare into eyes that mirror my own and I see his sadness. “I have more I need to tell you but…” I shake my head. “Can you give me some time? I need to sort things out in my head.”

“This is a start, baby, it’s a start. God, I’ve missed you so much, Billie Rose.”

I swipe at my eyes and offer him a smile. Not the usual smirk I give him, but a real, heartfelt smile. One that I hope reaches my eyes.

He leans forward and kisses my forehead.

“Now about that boy,” he jokes.

I give him my best eye roll. “He’s not a boy and no…” I hold up my hand, “he’s not my boyfriend. He pisses me off way too much.”

My dad’s eyebrow goes up, but I ignore it. That look may bring grown men to their knees, but it only makes me want to give him a harder time.

“I’m going to trust you here, for tonight, with him,” he chokes on the last word. “But I need you to come home tomorrow, yeah?”

I nod as I slide his jacket off my shoulders, ready to go back inside.

He stops me. “No, keep it, you might need it.” I see the internal struggle pulling his eyebrows together. This is hard for him. I can’t hold that against him. He would shove a knife in his own heart for me. I know he would.

“We’ll be safe. I promise,” I tell him, bumping my shoulder against his.

He stands up and pulls me into his arms gruffly. “I love you so much. Don’t ever doubt that. There’s nothing we can’t work through. Okay?” He leans down, staring straight into my eyes.

“Okay,” I say, still amazed he is letting me stay here with Elijah.

Dad squeezes me one last time before shoving me towards the door. “Tell the boys I’m ready to head out.”

I walk to the door and then look back, watching him climb in his truck. “I love you, dad.”

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