Page 53 of Roses and Skulls

My baby girl is crying and it’s not me in there to soothe her.

I take a step towards the bathroom door when Raffe’s hand slaps across my chest. We stare each other down, memories of the past flashing between us.

“You did so good, baby. So good,” Elijah says to her.

She continues to cry, and it takes everything in me to stay where I’m at.

“It’s okay, I’m here. Shh, everything will work out. You’ll see.”

“They all know. I c-can’t g-go back,” she stutters, trying her best to calm herself.

“What? Do you think none of them have destructive ways of easing their pain? We all do, Rosie. Don’t you dare feel ashamed for it. We just need to find you a better way, and we will. I’m going to help you.”

I catch a glimpse of them in the mirror on the door. As hard as I try to tear my eyes away, I can’t. My daughter peeks up at him and turns in his lap so that she is straddling him. I clench my fists by my side. Raffe keeps his hand on my chest.

Tears continue to streak down her cheeks as she runs her fingers over the cut on his cheekbone, courtesy of me.

“I’m sorry he hit you.”

The little fuck laughs, wrapping his arms around her and pulling her close. Too motherfucking close.

“You have nothing to be sorry for. Besides, I would take a thousand punches from him to be with you.”

She looks away. “You don’t even know me,” she says quietly. “I’m not the same girl who used to come visit you in San Diego.”

He grabs her chin, forcing her to look at him and I just about lose my shit. Dan rests his hand on my shoulder.

“Listen to me. You are the same girl. Sure, you seem a little angry, but you know what?”

She shakes her head sadly in his grip.

“Grief masks itself as anger. I don’t think you are as angry as everyone thinks you are… you’re sad.”

She burst into tears again at his words. “I’ve been so mean to everyone and I don’t want to be, I just…”

He wipes tears from under her eyes with his thumbs. “You were just trying to keep them away so that they didn’t find out,” he finishes for her.

She nods and drops her head to his shoulder, her body shaking as she cries it out.

I watch as he rubs his hand lightly over her back. He shushes her in a way that actually seems to help calm her down.

“Do you remember on your last visit when you and I snuck out in the middle of the night? We walked along the beach because you wanted to give everyone in the entire club a souvenir from your trip.”

Billie Rose doesn’t lift her head, her voice coming out muffled against his shoulder. “I was so worried dad would catch me. He was so mad about my arm.”

“Anyway, I still have them.”

She sits up and stares at him while wiping at her eyes. “I was so upset I had forgotten them.”

He takes her face in his hands. “You knew then that your club was your family. They don’t hate you; I promise. They love you more than anything. Especially, that old grouch you call dad.”

My eyes narrow and Raffe shakes his head.

And then a sound I haven’t heard in so many years filters out from the bathroom.

Her laughter grows and grows.

I rub my hand over my chest. It’s music to my ears.

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