Page 35 of Roses and Skulls

I look down and see a spot of blood on my pants. Fuck. I pick up the phone and type,I cut myself shaving.

He seems to buy it. He glances over his shoulder and leans closer to me.

“I heard you, Billie Rose. You.” His finger pushes directly over my heart. I’m sure he can feel the stupid thing trying to beat out of my body.

You know, you should see someone about that. Voices in your head aren’t good.

Great, I hurt his feelings. His big shoulders fall. He’s giving up on me. He was kind of the last man standing anyway. Everyone else gave up a long time ago.

And then he reaches out and plucks my phone from my hand and throws it against the wall beside us. I watch in horror as it shatters to pieces.

Slowly, I face him. Maybe I didn’t hurt his feelings after all.

My dad is standing in the corner, watching the whole scene go down. He walks towards us and spins a chair around, straddling it. He looks from Dan to me. Laughter filters in from the outside but inside it’s quiet.

I cross my arms across my chest, focusing on my knees, trying to tamp down the tears that are threatening.

“I heardyou,” Dan says again, this time much softer.

My mom walks in just then. Great, the whole family will be here for the show. She rushes over and starts scooping up pieces of my phone. “What happened?”

“Leave it, Jess,” dad says.

She holds the broken fragments in her palm, taking us in. “Dirk,” she begs.

“No. It’s high time we stop coddling her and I’m sick of hearing that Australian fuck answer for my daughter.”

I keep my eyes trained on my knees, not ready for any of this.

I’ve been longing for them to push me. To stop treating me like a broken doll but now that it’s happening…

My mom slams the broken phone down on the table and leaves the room, sniffling as she goes.

“Go, I’ll take it from here,” my dad tells Dan.

Dan stands to go after her. “Talk, goddammit,” he says, tugging gently on my ponytail as he walks away.

“Why are you so angry?” Dad asks once we’re alone.

I turn my stormy eyes his way, silently asking if he really wants to go there.

I’m met with his calm ones. Clear and blue as a quiet summer sky.

“Let it out,” he says, resting his chin on his arms that are folded across the back of the chair.

When I glance down the hall, I see Elijah leaning against the wall. He’s weaving something back and forth through his fingers. When the shiny metal catches the light, I close my eyes. He found my blade. He’s not letting me out of here without speaking. Because if I don’t, he’s going to tell them everything.

His fingers halt and we stare at each other for a moment before my dad realizes what has captured my attention. Elijah straightens, grinning at my dad as he salutes him, then he spins on his heal and walks back down the hall.

“Stay away from him,” my dad says as he turns his attention back to me.

I’m not sure where the laughter comes from. I suppose from that little place deep inside where I keep my crazy. We all have it. It’s like a freaking jack in the box. You crank on that fucking handle, spinning slowly, hoping that it won’t make an appearance because you know it’s going to scare the shit out of you when it does. You know it’s going to eventually rear its ugly head.

And then pop, there it is and sure as shit, you jump a mile. Why? You know it’s coming, so why is it such a surprise?

The sound of my laughter filters outside as Uncle Raffe opens the sliding glass door. He pauses on the threshold.

I stand up, doubling over, holding my gut, I’m laughing so hard.

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