Page 75 of All Your Firsts Without Me

Why did you bring me here?

A breeze blows a whisp of hair in my eyes. When I brush it away, I feel her cool fingers, whispering over my brow. My eyes fall closed.

“How did this bruise happen, sweetie,” Kathryn asks again. She holds my hair away from my face, not letting me hide from her.

“I f—fell off m-my bed,” I chatter, trying to stifle my tears. I don’t want to cry in front of her.

She sets the book and the Tupperware containing my peanut butter and jelly sandwich to the side.

We are sitting cross-legged in front of each other like we always do. Me on my side of the property and she on hers. Her golden retriever dances nervously behind her. My eyes keep going to the dog.

Kathryn leans forward, clasping her hands together.

“Sweetheart, is your dad hurting you?” she tries again.

I look behind me. “N-no,” I bite my lip, before turning back to her.

“You know you can tell me anything, April. I will help you.” She doesn’t press after that. Kathryn picks up the Tupperware, hands me the sandwich, then she begins to read.

I close my eyes as I chew. Her voice is like a warm blanket.

My father’s harsh yell halts her words. My eyes snap open. “I… I have to go,” I rush away in a whisper, dropping my sandwich to the ground and running through the trees before he spies me with her.

When I reach him, he grabs me by the arm, turning me to face him. His finger runs across my bottom lip. He brings it to his face, sniffing. “What’s this?” He glowers down at me.

I shrug my shoulders as his palm meets my cheek. My feet give out, but I don’t fall to the ground, his grip around my skinny bicep prevents it.

My eyes open.

That was the last time I saw her.

I often wonder if my father moved us because he knew about her. He never spoke of finding peanut butter on my lip that day. But somehow, I knew that had been the moment my father stopped trusting me.

Lucky finally decides to take a break and crawls up in my lap to take a nap.

It’s funny how I don’t look to my own home for memories. Those are best left behind me. This direction, the one I’m facing,is where my good childhood memories reside.

My gaze roams over her backyard. Kathryn used to sit on the patio and watch her husband and son toss a football back and forth. I had such a crush on him. He was in high school and probably didn’t even know I existed, but I loved to spy on him. He was tall like his dad and he had beautiful green eyes….

Green eyes… the color of sea glass. Only back then, I didn’t know what sea glass was.

My calm heart begins to race. I run my finger over the coordinates engraved in my bracelet.

Here’s a gift for you and Westin, to remind you where it all began.

This isn’t possible. I’m reading more into this than there is.

Lucky and I head back to the house. My mind struggling to figure this out. Why wouldn’t David just tell me if what I’m thinking is true? Why?

When I get back to the house, I search through all my old letters. Reading each one carefully. Especially the ones about Westin and me. My eyes scan the peanut butter and jelly sandwich letter and there it is…. it should have been my first clue…

The First Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwich You Share

Oh April,

This may be the most important letter to date. If you are reading this then I know you have opened your heart to him.

It’s one of your happiest memories. You know, she’s the first person I’m going to look for when I get to heaven. The woman who gave my girl hope. The one who sat with her in the dark. The kindness she showed you, it’s what kept you going. Who would have thought a peanut butter and jelly sandwich could do so much for a person.

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