Page 65 of All Your Firsts Without Me

The minute we get in his jeep, I’m crawling over the console, kissing his beautiful fucking face. His dark stubble brushes roughly over the soft skin around my mouth. “I love you,” I say, breaking away from him, then devouring him again.

I reach between us, releasing him from his jeans. He pushes my dress around my hips and with the flick of a finger, pushes my panties aside.

Slamming myself down on him, I drop my head to his shoulder. “I love you. I love you. I love you.” I say over and over as I drive myself to ecstasy on his hard length.

He wraps his fist around my hair, tugging my head back as his tongue slides over my throat. He pulls away, staring into my eyes. “We don’t have a condom. I’ll have to pull out,” he pants.

“No.” I drop myself down on him relentlessly, making him dig his fingers into my hair tighter.

“Yes,” he groans as his seed fills me.

I shift my angle, rubbing myself shamelessly over his taught muscles. I come so hard, darkness encroaches on the edge my vision. I fall on top of him, my breathing ragged. Not a care in the world as to who may have been watching.

It doesn’t matter. I love this man and nothing else matters in this moment.

CHAPTER THIRTY

April

“It’s me again,” I say as I look up at the leaves rustling overhead. I’m lying on David’s grave, staring straight up at the heavens. The sky is a brilliant blue today with big white fluffy clouds drifting by lazily.

“I finally got the courage to visit my father. It was just like you said it would be. I’ve always thought the problem was me. Now I see it was him all along. He was wrong.” I run my palms over the soft grass that has grown in over his grave.

“You’re still the first person I want to tell when something amazing happens.”

“I want to talk to you about him. But that wouldn’t be right, would it?” The birds happily chirp, the sun warm on my face. “But I think you’re the only one who won’t judge me.”

“Westin made love to me.” There I said it.

“I was a little nervous, but I wasn’t scared. It was just like you described.” I look over my head at his name. “You taught me so much. If I wouldn’t have had you to teach me about all that stuff, it would have been terrifying.”

“Anyhow, I think I love him. It’s so different from what you and I have, yet it’s the same. I feel safe with him.”

I bang my fist on the ground. “I wish you could really hear me. I wish you could tell me you are okay with all this because you’re the only person I need to be okay with it.”

I’m about to sit up when a tiny lavender butterfly flits in the air above me. “It doesn’t mean anything.” I close my eyes, fighting tears. “I keep trying to see signs when there are none.”

Something tickles my nose. I open my eyes, going cross-eyed at the butterfly sitting right on the tip of my nose. I sit up but it holds on tight, not flying away from its new perch. It opens and closes its little wings before finally taking off.

I lie back down with a smile on my face.

“I don’t think I’ve thanked you yet for the letters… or for him. You are the most selfless man I’ve ever known.”

The wind whistles through the trees, a peace washing over me. “I only have one left. I… I don’t know if I can read it. I don’t like the title.”

I take a deep breath, releasing it slowly.

“Could you stay with me while I call Kaden?”

I sit up, pulling my phone from my pocket. My eyes stay locked on David’s name for strength.

“Hey, April!” Kaden answers happily.

“Hi. How are things going?”

“Good. One more week,” he says. I can hear the relief in his voice. He is happy to be finishing up this chapter of his life.

“I’m so excited to see you.”

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