Page 26 of All Your Firsts Without Me

As they head out, I stand on my tiptoes to watch them walk down the path towards the beach. Lucky follows right beside him. She seems like such a good dog. It’s sad no one wanted her.

I finish up supper, fixing two plates but when I turn to set them on the counter, I glance at the spot where David and I always sat together. I… what am I doing? Biting the inside of my cheek to halt my tears, I stand there holding the plates in the air. The ding of the oven pulls me from the dark cloud engulfing me.

I set the plates down and pull the garlic bread out. It’s not like this is a date. It’s just dinner with a friend. Maybe we could eat outside on the patio, then it wouldn’t feel so… so intimate. Not that it feels that way. But this is my first time entertaining friends alone. I wonder if there is a letter for that.

Westin and Lucky are walking up the path by the time I’m setting our meal on the table outside. Lucky hops over to me and does a few twirls in front of me. “Did you have fun, girl?” She spins a few more times in response, making me laugh.

I point to table. “I thought we could eat out here. It’s so nice out.”

“It looks delicious.” Westin pulls out a chair and motions for me to sit. I tuck my hair behind my ears, letting him scoot me in. “I can’t remember the last time I had a home cooked meal. Most of the time, I order take-out.”

“I love to cook. David did too.”

He sits down next to me. He inhales deeply, his eyes dancing over the plate. “It’s almost too pretty to eat,” he teases.

My cheeks heat as I absorb his compliment. I pick up my fork and he does the same. “Dig in.”

We eat in a comfortable silence. The wind blows gently, ruffling his dark hair. Every bite is like his very first. He chows down with gusto. I laugh lightly, bringing a glass of tea to my lips. He wipes his mouth and smiles at me.

“Usually, I have some sort of dessert but I’m afraid I haven’t felt much like baking. I’m sorry I don’t have anything to offer you,” I tell him shyly. I really wish I had something because I think it would be a joy to watch him eat something sweet.

He sits back, rubbing his stomach. “Oh, this was more than enough. Thank you, April. It was wonderful and unexpected, but I guess the best things in life usually are.” His sea green eyes flick my way.

“They are, aren’t they?” I look from him to Lucky and then back again. His mouth ticks up in a grin.

He has a nice smile. It’s a flirty smile—not that he’s flirting. I think it’s just his normal smile.

“Can I help with the clean-up?” Tipping his head, he studies me.

“No. Absolutely not. It will give me something to do.” The sun has dropped low in the sky. I need to get inside before it starts to set. I haven’t been able to watch. I don’t know if I’ll ever be ready. “Actually, I think I need to add something to my days. I find myself wandering around aimlessly.”

“Have you thought about writing again?” he asks.

“I’m sure I will someday, but….”

“No, I get it. Writing takes a certain state of mind. It’s something you can’t force.”

“Do you write?” I lean forward, resting my elbows on the table.

“Yeah, I dabble.” He laughs nervously, changing the subject back to me. “Maybe you should look into volunteering. Pick something you love. I know that worked for me. It’s a win, win. I love my volunteer hours. It keeps me busy, and it helps someone.”

“That’s a great idea. I’ll definitely think about it.”

He nods. “Well, I think I’ll head out and let you and Lucky have some time to get to know each other.”

I smile, thinking about how Lucky will be with me all night. “Yeah, I’m so happy she’s here. Having a pet was something I didn’t know I was missing until today.”

“What drew you to her?”

I run my fingers over my forehead, biting my lip. “David writes me letters. I mean wrote me letters. Last night his letter instructed me to turn on the television.” My gaze drops to Lucky, fast asleep at my feet. “It was a bad night. One of the worst, actually.” I shake my head, recalling just how bad it was. I was ready to end everything.

My eyes roll up to look out towards the ocean, the sun inching ever so closely to the horizon. “Anyhow, there was Lucky, and her butterfly collar and I thought it was a sign. I know it sounds crazy.”

“I don’t think it sounds crazy at all.”

When my eyes dart back to the horizon in worry, his gaze follows mine. The corners of his eyes soften. Does he sense my panic?

“I should be going. Thank you for dinner, it was wonderful.” He rises from his chair and then leans over to give Lucky a final scratch. She wags her tail sleepily. “I think she’s had a long day.”

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