Page 80 of All Your Firsts Without Me

She lies back, her hands reaching for me. “Yes,” she answers as I lower myself, sliding into her in one slow, continuous motion. Her shoulders bow off the bed.

That was easy. Too easy.

I focus on her eyes, searching for the doubt I’m sure she feels but I don’t see any. Her gaze is fixed on me, her jaw slack as I draw her closer and closer to an orgasm. “You’re mine,” I growl in her ear, suddenly possessive of my woman. The mother of my child. My hips jerk with primal urge. Mine. Mine. Mine. I chant in my head until I mark her as such.

When my head drops to her shoulder, she runs her fingers through my hair, whispering against my ear, “I’m yours. I’m yours,” she reassures. I’ve been so afraid she would always hold a piece of herself from me. I even had myself convinced that she would never agree to marry me.

It’s not that I’m jealous. I’m not. But I need to know that I have her whole heart. Even if part of it still aches for him. I’ll hold that section tenderly and with care, but it must be mine.

I hug her tight, wanting to remember this moment forever. She’s mine. Only mine.

“My heart is in your hands,” she breathes against the shell of my ear.

I swear she can read my mind. “I love you, April. I love you so fucking much.”

“I love you too.”

When I roll off her, she instantly snuggles to my side. “I’m going to make her peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and read to her every day. Just like your mom used to. I’m going to love her so much,” she says sleepily, somewhere between reality and her dreams. Her breath deepens, and I know she’s fast asleep.

It’s sweet April remembered that I told her my mother used to read to me. I slide out from under her. I know the perfect gift to give the mother of my child.

I leave her a note in case she wakes. April has given me the courage to open my old wounds. I’m ready to remember. I want to remember.

Mom, Dad, I’m going to be a father. I’m so happy. I just wish you werehere.

When I get home, I pull the boxes out of the garage and sit on the floor in my living room. Finally, I’m brave enough to go through old photos. God, I miss them. After I finish with the pictures, I dig through the box of books I saved. Most from my childhood but there are others, journals, romance novels, one or two thrillers. My mother loved to read.

When I find the one I’m looking for, I head back to April’s. The sun is just coming up, so I decide to start breakfast for the two of us. The aroma must wake her because soon her slender arms are wrapping around my waist. She presses kisses along my spine. “Good morning, daddy.” She giggles, making my heart soar.

I turn, brushing her hair behind her shoulders, cupping her cheeks. “Good morning, mommy.” Her grin widens at my words.

She lays her head on my chest. “I’m so happy,” she says quietly. “It wasn’t long ago I thought my life was over and now…” she pulls away from me and spins around the room, reminding me of Lucky. Actually, Lucky is spinning with her. God, that is too damn cute.

She laughs and falls on the floor, breathless. This is what David was talking about when he told me she was a diamond. She’s beautiful on the outside no doubt, but this beauty, the one David referred to as a diamond, it shines from deep within her. I saw it last night when she comforted Fred and I see it now.

“She’s going to look inward for a time, but hang in there, Westin. Stay with her and eventually you will see it. You’ll see her looking at the world with such bright intensity, you won’t miss the sparkle. It’s something you’ll never forget.”

She rises from the floor and puts on our album, turning it up loud. When Inevitable starts to play, she dances around me as I continue to make breakfast. She sings and laughs. Our kids are going to love her. She rushes for the door and flings it open. The wind blows her hair back as she stands there, taking it all in. The air, the ocean, the birds, she appreciates it all.

“It’s a beautiful morning,” she says to me over her shoulder. “We should eat outside.”

“Go on, I’ll bring it out when it’s ready,” I tell her, waving her away with my dish towel.

She’s fucking glowing. Glowing.

When I get outside, I find her laying on the beach with Lucky by her side. She is staring up at the sky, her lips moving. I wonder if she’s talking to David.

I call her up for breakfast. She shields her face from the sun with her hand as she makes her way to me. “You know what your eyes remind me of?” she asks as she sits down.

“I’m not even going to guess.” I laugh, sitting down beside her.

“They’re like looking at the sun through a piece of sea glass.”

“Wow, thank you.” I clear my throat. April has a way of making me feel like the handsomest man on the planet. My confidence has returned over the months, all due to the appreciation she shows me.

“Were you talking to him?” I ask, putting my foot in my mouth. Why did I ask her that?

“No. I was talking to my neighbor lady.”

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