Page 43 of All Your Firsts Without Me

Powerful arms wrap around me, pulling me to my feet. Westin turns me into his warm chest. I grip his shirt in my fists. He lets me cry. He lets me cry.He lets me cry.

CHAPTER TWENTY

April

Westin took me back to my car. We didn’t speak. I think he knew I had a lot running through my mind, that I was allowing the memories to flow. The good, the bad, and the ugly. I let myself remember it all.

The hug he gave me when we said goodbye lasted several minutes, then he leaned in and pressed his lips to my temple. The ghost of his kiss still lingers there.

When I finally get home, I mindlessly fill Lucky’s water bowl and food dish. I’m exhausted. I pull my phone from my pocket and call Giles.

He picks up on the first ring. “Hey, girlie, everything okay?”

“I want a meeting with him.”

Silence.

“Why now?”

“Because I’m ready.”

He sighs. “It will take some time, but I’ll see what I can do.”

“Thank you,” I say as I pull my letters out, flipping through them.

“How are you doing?”

“I’m working on all my firsts without him.”

He doesn’t say anything, but I can tell he’s crying.

“Would you and your wife like to come to dinner next week? I’m making your favorite,” I sing song into the phone.

“Yeah,” he chokes out. “That would be great.”

“How about seven, Friday night?”

“Perfect.” He pauses. “Will this be a double date?”

“Yes. My first.”

I can almost hear his smile. “See you then, April.”

As late afternoon rolls around, I find myself making a full course meal. I eat until I’m stuffed, then I take my letter, my little dog, and my own butt down to the beach. I force myself to stay put. I can do this. I’m strong. I’m strong.I’m strong.

The sun kisses the ocean and I let out a shaky breath. Lucky looks from the horizon, to me, back to the horizon. She wags her tail, her tongue hanging out, like she’s waiting for something exciting to happen. And I guess it is. The end of one day with the expectation of another.

As the sky changes colors before my eyes, I notice a shift in my thoughts. I think today reminded me just how much I’ve survived.

For the first time, I think I might survive this too.

My heart still hurts terribly but I’ll endure.

As the sun begins to descend, I unfold the strange peanut butter and jelly sandwich letter.

Oh April,

This may be the most important letter to date. If you are reading this then I know you have opened your heart to him.

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