Page 12 of All Your Firsts Without Me

Sit, drink your coffee, and watch the new day begin. I’m watching with you and let me tell you it is a spectacular view.

After that, your only mission for today is to watch over Kade. He will need you.

Love,

David

I hold the letter to my chest and cry as the sun inches higher and higher above me. How lucky I am to have a husband like David. He’s looking out for me even though he is gone. What an amazing soul.

Kaden… I need to think about Kaden. I rise from the patio and head into the house to make breakfast for him. It will be a first for him as well. The first day without his loving father. I need to help him through this.

The smell of greasy hangover food must call to him. He stumbles to the bathroom, cursing quietly to himself. Soon, his bare feet are padding along the hardwood floors to the kitchen. I turn to give him a small smile when he enters the room.

“Hey,” he says hesitantly.

“Hey,” I reply back, and he visibly relaxes. Was he worried I would revert back to not being able to speak without David?

“You didn’t have to make me breakfast this morning.” He sits at the breakfast bar and stares at the empty spot where David usually sits in his wheelchair.

“I thought you could use a good breakfast,” I tell him, setting a plate in front of him. I stand there awkwardly with my own plate before pulling up a chair in David’s spot to join him. Oh, how I miss him, and it hasn’t even been a full day.

“The funeral home would like us to stop by this afternoon to go over the arrangements. I expect it will be a large service. Everyone loved dad.”

“Just let me know what time you want to leave, and I’ll be ready.”

He nods and goes back to eating. Nothing deters his appetite. “Kade, I meant what I said about you not quitting school. You need to go back as soon as we get the funeral settled and everything wrapped up.”

He grabs his orange juice and peers at me over the rim of the glass as he chugs it down. When he finishes, he wipes his mouth on his t-shirt and swivels, so he is facing me. “April, if I go back you have to promise me you will call if you need anything. No matter what time of day. No matter what… promise?”

“Yeah, of course. I’ll be fine. My publisher wants me to do a few appearances. Just small local ones. I’m sure I’ll be busy. Don’t worry about me, Kaden. Just worry about finishing up school.”

“You’ll send me the dates? Maybe I’ll be able to go. I think it’s great you published your story.”

“Thanks to your Dad. I couldn’t have done it without him.”

We sit quietly, each in our own thoughts. “You know, Kade, I want to thank you for accepting me into your home all those years ago. Even when it meant I would be taking some of your dad’s attention away from you. Then, when our relationship changed and others questioned it, you never did. You’ve always supported me. Thank you for that. I know it couldn’t have been easy.”

Kade gets up to start on the dishes. “I saw he loved you. He’s always loved you. How could I deny him that?” He leans against the counter as the sink fills. “I’ve met someone. She’s a sophomore, studying criminal justice.”

“Oh, Kaden. I’m so happy for you. When do I get to meet her?” I jump up to give him a hug.

“I don’t know, she’s very shy. I’ll try to convince her to come back with me on my next trip.” He wraps his arms around me. “I’ve got a question and I want an honest answer, because I’m scared to death over my feelings for her.”

“What is it?” I stare up at him, concerned by the expression on his face.

“Was it worth it? Was loving my dad worth it? Worth all the pain I see in your eyes right now.”

I place my cheek against his chest. “It was worth it. No regrets, Kaden. I have no regrets.”

He sighs loudly. “I love her. I was going to tell Dad, but now it’s too late. He will never know I found love. He will never meet her. Meet his grandchildren.” Kaden’s voice cracks as he hugs me tight.

I keep my arms around him. “He’s watching us, Kade. He will know. He will see.”

Kaden cries it out before pushing me away and turning to finish the breakfast dishes. There’s a knock on the door, so I step away from him to answer it.

When I open the door, I find Giles standing on the patio with a large box in his arms. He gives me a sad smile. “Teresa called me this morning. I’m so sorry, April.”

I hold the door open for him and he steps inside, placing the box down on the coffee table. “Um, David asked me to bring this when… well, you know.” He nervously wipes his hands down the front of his pants.

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