Page 75 of Sugar and Skulls

“Yes,” I answer, shooting straight from the hip. She inhales deeply staring at the sandwich in her hand. “You need to try and eat something.”

She nibbles at the corner of the bread. I glance at her painting. It blends in seamlessly with the natural surroundings. “Where did you learn to paint?”

She shrugs. “I’ve always liked to doodle. It keeps my mind busy. I guess you could say I was self-taught.”

“It’s beautiful.” I watch her cheeks pinken at my compliment. “How do you it? How do you stay so positive despite everything you’ve been through?”

“I learned early on I could not control the bad things, but I could control me. I can control the way I interpret things. So, I might feel bad for a time but then you have to dust yourself off and get back on the horse.”

“Yeah, but how many do you get bucked off before you quit getting back on?” I ask.

She looks up at the sky, contemplating my words before turning her sparkling green eyes my way. “You never quit.”

I take a minute to absorb her words. “You believe that don’t you.”

“With all my heart.” She takes a bigger bite of her sandwich, a smile forming on her face. “When I came to Trap I imagined I would rule over it. A group of misfits banned together by unfortunate circumstances.” She laughs lightly. “Ah, the musings of a young, naïve girl.”

“I don’t think your naïve at all.”

She stares at me. “You did once.” Her head tips to the side as she waits for me to remember…and remember I do.

“Oh shit, Jesse. I’m so sorry. I didn’t know.”

Jesse surprises me, moving so fast, her lips press to mine. She mumbles against them. “Don’t.” Her lips part, granting me permission to experience more of her. Oh, god. Her lips are the sweetest thing I’ve ever tasted. Quietly in the breeze, we softly explore each other. When she pulls away a lightness settles over me. The taste of sugar remains on my lips.

She smiles as she settles back in her spot.

“Jesse you are…you are…”

“One of a kind.” She finishes for me.

I nod once. Her smile spreads across her entire face illuminating the entire mountain. My heart swells in a way it never has before. Jesse doesn’t look at me like other women do…or men for that matter. “What do you see when you look at me?” I ask her the same question she asked me a few nights ago.

Jesse cups her hands over her heart, letting me know she’s touched I asked a question she has been asking most of her life. “I see you, Raffe.” Her eyes drop away for a moment. When she returns her gaze to me, it demands I listen to her next words closely. “A kindhearted, beautiful man. Someone who would do anything for his friends, for his brothers. Someone who would put himself at the back of the pack to ensure that everyone makes it safely to other side. A man who would sacrifice his body or his soul, to save those he loves.”

I hang to every word as it falls from her lips. Her words aren’t idle musings, they are said with so much emotion I know she has looked at me deeper than anyone ever has. Oh, god why did I tell her I saw a fellow survivor. I see so much more than that when I look at her.

Her final words seal my fate, my future with this woman.

“When you said you saw a fellow survivor I knew you saw me and for the first time you saw yourself. You and I are the same.” She takes my hand in hers. “You know how?”

Numbly I shake my head no.

She climbs on my lap, straddling me. “We know what it’s like for someone to take what’s ours. To steal a piece of us. So, we guard what is left in ways others cannot understand. By controlling what we can. Me by selling drugs and giving the money to those in need and you by using your body to help your club. Both we control.”

Jesse stares into my soul, drawing leftover poison to the surface.

She combs her fingers through my beard. “So, when we give a piece of ourselves over willingly, it’s the most precious thing in the world.”

Again, her lips find mine and I feel her gift, a piece of her she is handing over voluntarily.

When she ends the kiss, she tucks her face against my neck. “You’re the first person that I’ve initiated a kiss with.” She curls into me. Her vulnerability seeking comfort. I wrap my arms around her, holding her tight.

Quietly, in the middle of nature I float, not fall, in love with the kindest, strongest creature I’ve ever met. Jesse Miller came into my life, taking nothing from me, asking for nothing but in this moment she has given me everything.”

Chapter Thirty-Three

Jesse

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