Page 85 of Sugar and Skulls

“I’m sorry,” I say.

“Jesse, there is nothing to be sorry about. I’m glad I saw it before we went any further. You both need this. I’m going to be your biggest cheerleader. I’ll help Bill and the others understand when the time comes, I promise.”

“I don’t how I got so lucky, Raffe.”

He smiles, squeezing my shoulders. “Because, you, Jesse Miller, are one of a damn kind.”

I laugh lightly. My heart is happy and sad all at once. It’s a confusing feeling. “I’ll always love you, Raffe.”

“I know you will, and I’ll always love you.” He suddenly gets serious. “Now, I’ve got a special birthday surprise set up for you just past the dock about 100 yards in the trees.” He pulls out a flashlight, handing it to me. “This will help light the way.”

“Wait. What?”

He stands pulling me with him. “Don’t worry, Dirk will be along shortly.” He glances at his watch then raises his eyes, winking at me.

My heart starts thumping loudly in my ears. Oh. Oh god. It’s my birthday. I’m eighteen and I’m about to be alone with Dirk. “I…I can’t do this without you.”

He tips my chin. “You both have been using me as a buffer. It’s time you do this alone. The both of you. You feel safer having me around because he makes your heart beat a little faster and it scares you. He feels better when I’m around because he thinks I can give you something he can’t. He thinks he can’t be gentle and caring but he can.”

My eyes dart to the warehouse.

“No. You’re doing this. You know here…” he pokes his finger over my heart, “that he will only go as far as you’re ready to go. So, go on and enjoy the last few hours of your birthday. It will be worth it. I promise.”

He kisses me on the forehead and shoves me down the path to the dock. I glance back at him before entering the tree line. With the light of the moon I see him tap two fingers over his heart before walking away.

I choke back a sob and straighten my shoulders for what awaits me in the darkness of the forest. I shut the flashlight off when I reach my destination. A tent. I crawl inside and find little white lights strung along the top and side posts. It’s filled with pillows and blankets. I laugh when I see a cooler with a happy birthday sign on it. I crack it open finding fruit dipped in chocolate and drinks.

When the flap to the tent suddenly opens I jump a foot. Dark temptation crawls through the opening. When our eyes connect my breath catches in my throat. Dirk glances around briefly before resting his eyes back on me. “Where’s Raffe?” he asks.

I bite my lip, trying to control my emotions. He settles in front of me, so we are facing each other. He waits patiently for me to answer. “He’s not coming.”

When he doesn’t say anything, I chance a look at him. His eyes are on me.

I scratch my head. “Um, he told me, he’s bowing out.”

“What the fuck does that mean?”

“He thinks we should go on our own from here on out.” I quickly wipe a tear away before it escapes down my cheek. “Raffe thinks that my love for you is different than it is for him.”

“Is it?” he asks.

“It is,” I whisper, my bottom lip trembling.

“We should go back to the warehouse.” He starts to back away, but I throw myself at him.

He struggles to untangle us so he can get away.

“What are you so scared of?” I cry.

“Jesse, I can’t be what you need.”

“What the fuck do you think I need?”

He stops fighting. “I can’t give you romance.” He twirls his finger around the tent that Raffe set up for us. “I can’t give you nice.” He turns his head to stare at the opening of the tent.

I shove him in the arm hard and clamber away from him. “If that’s what you think I need then fucking go.” I rummage through the cooler, grabbing a beer and cracking it open.

“Jesse,” he watches me guzzle half the beer.

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