Page 67 of Sugar and Skulls

I’m safe.

I’m safe.

My eyes connect with Dirks. Raffe sits up pressing his chest into my back, his chin rests on my shoulder. Slowly I turn my head. He smiles, his hand caresses my cheek. He drags our faces close together, pressing his lips to mine in a single warm kiss. He pulls away, smiling. Boyish dimples deepen along the edge of his beard giving him a youthful appearance.

My heart beats hard in my chest. Raffe kissed me. My head swings to Dirk. He kissed me too. When my eyes snag on his I realize he’s not jealous. And, maybe Raffe wasn’t jealous either. Did I read him wrong?

Raffe picks up the lighter, placing it in the palm of my hand. “Let’s do this. Listen to Dirk. He helped me and he will help you too.”

He pulls my hair away from my face holding it in one hand. “I know all your reasons for wanting to keep it bottled up inside. I do. But, you will never be free if you don’t let it go and I don’t just mean from this place.” He swirls his finger in my face. “I mean free in here.” He taps my forehead before continuing, “I’ll be here to hold your hand through the storm. I won’t let go. You won’t get blown away. You won’t get lost. I promise.”

So, with shaky hands I set flame to Gabriel once more. Only this time I’m not alone. I won’t have to keep running. I’ll be able to breathe and process because someone will be watching my back while I do.

As I watch the flames consume the religious man’s sin I tell them about that night. They do nothing but listen. When I’m finished with the tale from my childhood. I raise my eyes to Dirk.

“Katie drew a man in black and a cross. Automatically my mind went to Father Gabriel. Because of the photos…” I let my words trail.

“He deserved what he got,” Dirk states matter of fact. His finger jabs into the table to drive his point.

“Crow was there that weekend.”

Raffe tenses beneath me. “What weekend, sweetheart?” he asks.

“The weekend you found me and took me to Dan’s.”

Dirk pulls his chair around the table to sit directly in front of me.

“Was your aunt there that weekend?” he asks.

“No. I hadn’t seen her for an entire year, but she still left for work. A weekend client. She left me alone with him.” I take a deep breath. “I hadn’t planned on staying even though the suit lady told me I had to. I knew what type of man he was, but I fell asleep waiting for Renee to leave.”

Dirk looks over my shoulder to Raffe. “Why don’t we take a break.” He states more than asks.

“I’m worried about Katie. I need to get back to her. I have school tomorrow,” I say impatiently. I’m willing to spill everything. I just want to get it over with and get back to my life.

“We are taking a break. Go outside and listen to the trees,” he orders, pulling me off Raffe’s lap. He pushes me to the door. I look back as he shuts it in my face. Raffe hasn’t moved. His face is buried in his hands. He’s upset.

“Dirk,” I try to push my way back inside. My focus on Raffe.

“Listen to the trees. I’ll take care of him,” he whispers firmly in my ear.

“You said there were things that wanted to eat me outside and now your shoving my ass out there?”

He smirks as he closes the door. The lock clicks.

Grrr…asshole!

I stomp over to the windows. My heart stills. My anger immediately dissipates in the cool mountain air. Dirk is on his knees in front of Raffe, staring into his eyes. He grabs the back of his head and pulls their foreheads together. The act so intimate it makes me ache to be a part of it.

Why is Raffe so upset? What did I say?

My gaze drifts over my surroundings as I back away from the windows. I walk down a little path until it opens to the most spectacular view of the mountains. It steals my breath. Suddenly I feel ridiculously small in world.

I find a tall tree, and sit down, leaning against its trunk. My eyes climb high above me, taking in the height of the thing. Holy cow it is amazing here. It’s vastly different from Trap County. I breathe deeply listening to the trees like Dirk instructed. Did he know that was what I was doing while my Dad and Katie were fishing?

There aren’t trees like this in Trap. It’s like they speak to me. I love it. A hawk flies over the expanse in front of me. Wow. If I were Dirk I would never leave this place. It’s beautiful.

It gives me time. Time to reflect on everything. The rat race of my life never gave me a minute. I don’t think my mind has had a break since the day I found my grandparents dead in their chairs. The only time my mind has come close to having a moments peace is when I’m creating art.

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