Page 40 of Sugar and Skulls

I watch until I see her open the door to the rod. She gives the steering wheel a tug back and forth pretending to drive. Katie is in second grade. I’ve had to set a few kids and teachers straight at school for bullying her. It’s amazing the girl gets herself to school every day. From now on I’ll be picking her up. She notices me watching, she gives me a shy wave before ripping the wrapper off her treat.

Blinking back tears, I make my way to the bedroom. When I open the door, the stench takes me back. Oh, my god. Jenny is sprawled on the bed in her underwear, she is breathing but she has puke in her hair. The sheets are covered in god knows what. Little baggies are scattered over her nightstand along with uncapped needles. Most of the baggies are marked with a black x, the crap the Devils sell. But, there are two baggies with my skull logo on them. My heart sinks.

You know what you got to do, Jesse.Sometimes you have to get a little mean.

I grab both of her ankles and yank hard pulling her off the bed. Her head slams to the floor with a thud, that wakes the bitch up. She starts hollering and flailing her arms around. I drag her all the way down the hall to the bathroom, grab her under her arms and haul her over the edge of the tub. She is screaming at me, still confused as to what is happening.

When the cold-water douses her, she begins to sober up. She sputters and chokes. “What the fuck?” she yells.

I reach down and shut the water off. She tries to get out of the tub, but I push her back down. I wipe my hands down my jeans then pull the polaroid out of my back pocket and shove it in her face. She pales and begins to tremble. Well, I guess I have my answer.

“Please don’t call CPS,” she begs.

I ignore her plea. “So, I know how you got my stuff. Who is selling to you from the Devils?”

“I haven’t spent any money on drugs. I swear.”

Like that makes any of this any better.

She continues, spewing words like vomit. “Jimmy. It was Jimmy. I’m so sorry. He was asking lots of questions about you. I didn’t tell him anything at first. But, then he showed up with some of his guys and they held me down. I didn’t want it. I really didn’t want it.” She shakes her nasty hair back and forth. “Once I start I can’t stop.”

That’s how he found out that I’m Sugar. Jesus Christ.

“When he quit coming a few weeks ago I….” she stops, unable to say the words.

“You traded Katie for your fucking fix,” I finish for her, spitting in her face.

“Oh, god. I know. I’m so sorry. I’m so, so sorry,” she wails.

This is my fault. Jimmy got her hooked again because he was looking for who stole his drugs. Then when she couldn’t get her fix from him she sold her daughter.

What am I going to do?

“You have three fucking days to get this place cleaned up and to get your head screwed on straight. I’m taking Katie with me to keep her safe.”

“O…okay,” Jenny’s chin wobbles as she accepts her fate. “I’ll try, Jesse. I promise.”

“Don’t try, do it. If I can’t be certain she is safe with you then I’m not bringing her back.”

She nods.

I turn without another word. I’m shaking all over as I wash my hands in the sink. What the fuck am I going to do? I glance out the window, Katie is leaning her head out watching the trailer with nervous eyes. Quickly, I grab a trash bag and go to her tiny, closet sized room and dump the few clean clothes that are in the dresser into the bag. As I’m walking out I turn back to look at her bed and see a fluffy teddy bear laying on her pillow, I place it in the bag carefully and toss it over my shoulder.

Katie pushes the car door open as I walk towards her. “Are you leaving now?” she asks sadly.

“Your mama isn’t feeling well. What do you think about coming to stay with me for a few days? Your mom said it was okay with her.”

She smiles big and shakes her head. I push the bag behind my seat. “You want to go tell her goodbye?” I ask.

“No, thank you,” she says quietly. She scoots to the passenger seat and buckles herself in.

When the suit lady took me from the Ditsworth’s and then from St. Mary’s I felt relief. That’s what I see on Katie’s face. My heart hurts. It hurts more than it ever did for me. She’s so tiny. So vulnerable. I have no idea where to go from here. I don’t have a home to take her too. Big Dan has done so much for me, I can’t ask him to do this too.

“Do you want to go play at the park for a bit? I have a few calls to make then we will go get something to eat. Sound good?”

She agrees then reaches over and puts her tiny hand over mine. She whispers, “You haven’t been at school all week.?” It’s a question not a statement. Her eyes dance over the burns on my face.

She’s worried that whoever hurt me might hurt her too. “I fell off a ladder when I was painting so I took a few days off. We’ll go to school together on Monday, okay?”

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