Page 25 of Sugar and Skulls

Dan sits down beside me, rips the bag open and sets the contents on the coffee table in front of me. “Do you know what that is?” he asks.

I stare at the box. Why hadn’t I thought of that? Why? Because I’ve done everything in my power to forget that’s why. I nod my head yes, a knot slowly creeping up my throat.

“We are not saying you have to take it. It’s your choice, Jesse. Your Dad wanted to make sure you had the option.”

My dad. My dad made sure I had the plan B pill. I’ve looked after myself for so long I don’t know what to think about all this. Him, Dan, all of them. My mind flits to Penny and her swollen belly. Penny and William will make wonderful parents. I hope he’s using the money I gave him to get out of here. They have a chance.

What chance do I have? None. I’m trapped here in Trap county. It literally has me by the proverbial balls. I can’t do that to someone else. I…I just can’t.

My bottom lip begins to tremble. What would my grandmother tell me to do? Oh god, I need her. I haven’t cried in so long. It used to be something I did every night after my grandparents died and then life just kept coming for me. I guess I shut my emotions off. But, this could be a life….

Dan leans over and gently rubs tiny circles over my back. I shift on the couch so that I can see him. He doesn’t look away. “Whatever you chose. We all stand behind you.”

I glance back at the box. If I take that pill I’m admitting to them what happened to me. They will know for certain someone hurt me. If I don’t take this one though who knows if I will be able to secret away to buy myself another one.

“Jesse, we know what happened to you. It’s not something you have to hide or be ashamed of. Whoever hurt you is the one who holds the shame.” He sits forward on the couch and wraps his arm around me, hugging me close to him.

I grab the box, rip it open, take the pill and vow that Jimmy will pay for this. Jimmy will fucking pay for everything. This should not have been a decision I was forced to make.

I set my soda can on the table and wipe my mouth on my wrist. Hot tears come hard and they come fast. Big Dan wraps me up in his big arms and settles us back into the couch. He lets me cry, holding me tight the entire time.

Good news. There is no good news. No, there is always something good. Good news is my Dad thought of my future when I could not see beyond my nose.

Bad news. I’m not sure I made the right decision and fact is I will never know.

Dirk

???

“I’m going to hang outside Dan’s place tonight,” I tell Bill over the phone.

“How is she?” he asks, his voice cracking.

“Feisty as all get out.”

He chuckles lightly.

“Give her some time. Once she realizes you aren’t going anywhere she will open up to you.”

“Yeah, I suppose you are right.” He pauses, sucking in a breath before continuing. “Did she take it?”

“I don’t know, man. I gave Dan the bag and split. She’s comfortable with him so I thought it best I step out while they sort it out.”

“I’m going to kill him, Dirk. I know Jimmy hurt her.”

“We got to be smart about this, Bill. She needs you. I don’t think you ending up back in slammer is going to do her any favors. If it was him…” I pause to light up a smoke, “If it was him or whoever the fuck it was, let me do it.”

“I can’t ask that of you, brother.”

“You didn’t. Let me have this one.”

Bill doesn’t say anything for a long time. “You still there, man?” I ask.

“It’s got to be long and painful,” he says with a deadly calm to his voice.

“Oh, it will be.” I hang up and lean against my bike thinking of all the ways I am going to torture that bastard.

A few hours later Dan steps out. “You may as well head home, Dirk. She’s sound asleep.”

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