Page 104 of Sugar and Skulls

He winces. “It’s not love. It’s infatuation and he should have known better.”

“You’re wrong. It’s love. You may not understand it, but I do. He does.”

“He was supposed to protect you, not take advantage of you, Jesse.”

“Do you know how scared I was when my grandparents died? Do you know how scared I was when I was being molested by a teenage boy with nowhere to run? I had no one.”

He runs his hand down his face, shaking his head.

“Dirk materialized out of thin fucking air that day. I remember how relieved I felt that he was there.”

I pull my feet up on the chair and hug my legs as my mind conjures up my ten-year-old self.

“He was there when I needed someone and he stayed my someone, dad. Every time I found myself scared, I thought of him. I asked myself,what would he do? What would he want me to do?”

He makes a pained sound from somewhere deep in his chest.

“When we met for the second time it was an instant spark. I’m not going to lie, it spread like a wildfire, but Dirk never let it get out of control. No matter how much I begged he didn’t budge. He didn’t take advantage of me.” I turn to face him. “I know how it must look.”

I drop my head to my knees. Exhaustion of the last eight years finally catching up to me.

His warm hand rests on my head. “Okay, baby girl. Okay.”

Tears buried for years burst forth. He wraps his arms around me, holding me tight. He whispers over my head. “I’ll never know the girl you could have been. Crow stole that from me…from you. But, I want you to know how proud I am of the woman you are. You are so strong, Jesse. So strong.” His voice catches, his grief intermingling with my own.

When I drain myself dry, I lift my head to find Dirk sitting across from us. His fingers steepled in front of his mouth, his elbows resting on his knees. My dad gives me a final squeeze. “Get her home, Dirk. I’ll stay with Raffe tonight.”

Dirk nods and ushers me out of the room.

Instead of driving all the way back to the warehouse we go to my grandparents. We climb into my old bed, holding each other tight.

I let my fingers trail over the tattoos on his chest. It’s nice to be tucked so close to him. I’m afraid to go to sleep. So much has happened, I don’t know what I’ll find in my dreams tonight.

“I was the one who followed your mom and Crow to the abortion clinic.”

I lean my head back, surprised at the sudden break in silence.

“When I called your dad, he told me if I stopped her he would give me whatever I wanted. I wanted to be vice-president of the Skulls. Something that normally doesn’t happen for a sixteen-year-old. He gave me that. When I figured out where you were this last time he told me he would give me anything my filthy heart wanted. Then we found you…and well you know what I want?” He pauses, running the pad of his thumb over my bottom lip.

I shake my head no.

“My filthy heart wants you, Jesse.”

I smile and curl back into his chest. “I want you too.”

“I’m going to tell you a story, not to hurt you. God, I don’t want to hurt you.” He pauses, thinking for a second before continuing. “I watched your mom’s belly grow for nine months. She used to moan and grumble about being pregnant. I thought what an ungrateful bitch. I was amazed she couldn’t appreciate the life that was growing inside her. One day I asked what she was going to name you. She laughed and said I could name you for all she cared.”

Ouch.

“So, I did.”

I push away from him. “What? You named me?”

“I wanted you to have a strong name. A name that said,don’t mess with me.”

Blood pumps in my ears as I stare at the man of my dreams. The man whose strength I have borrowed for the last eight years. “You named me Jesse?”

He laughs. “This is going to sound silly, but I was reading a book on Jesse James. You know the outlaw. I had to do something to pass the time while babysitting your miserable mother. Anyhow, I thought to myself, hmm, Jesse could be a girl or a boy’s name. I liked it. And, so you became Jesse.”

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