Page 116 of Watercolor Skulls

Dan takes the journal out of my hands that are paused mid-air. They shake as I pull the letter out of the envelope. My heart is beating painfully against my ribs as I unfold it.

Dear Lily,

I wonder how long it took for you to open my journal. I hope not long. There was no way I was leaving a letter lying around for him to find.

I’m sorry I left you behind, but it was always going to end this way. The only reason I stayed was for you. I let you pull me back over the railing because you needed me. I wanted to help you get away. We may have talked about running together but I knew that was never going to happen. My heart and soul are too broken. No matter how far we would have traveled it would have never been far enough to hide from my memories.

But it’s okay because I stayed long enough to fulfill two of my dreams. One, to leave something behind that was pure and good. Two, to make amends to my friend for the pain I caused. I’m sorry I could never tell you his name. It’s been the hardest part of all this. Not being able to share everything with you. Please know that I wanted to. I really did. But for his safety and that of my family I couldn’t risk it.

My purpose has been served and it’s time for me to go. I know you may never understand and I’m sorry for that. But, Lily, I need you to listen to me. You need to run. Go. The plan will work and if it doesn’t run again and again but don’t stay here. Please don’t stay.

You deserve a life. A life you choose. Go out and find love. Find a family. Make a family. Do whatever Lily wants. Just please, please do it. My greatest fear isn’t what I’m about to do, it’s that you will stay.

I also wanted to let you know that I had the baby. A boy. He’s so beautiful, Lily. I got to spend two whole days holding him. It was the best thing that has ever happened to me.

He’s going to have a good life. Please don’t worry about him. Like I said this chapter was wrote by the fate’s themselves. His parents are amazing. They wrote a letter, telling me about their past tragedies, their biker family, everything. They held nothing back, Lily. That’s why I picked them…well that and one other reason I can’t share, but just know that it was destined to be.

I stole the picture of their family. I shoved it right down my pants when the adoption lady wasn’t looking. I’ve stared at it for days, memorizing every face. I’m giving it to you, so you can remind yourself how much our little boy is going to be loved. I hope you get a family just like his. Go. Do it now. What are you waiting for?

Follow the dragonfly.

Love always and forever,

Jenny

When I look up I stare into space. I don’t know what to think. How?

Dan wraps me up in his arms. “What did it say, baby?”

I pick up the envelope unable to speak. Pulling the photo out, I hold it so we can both see it together.

“Holy hell,” Dan whispers, his breath ruffling my hair.

It’s her baby’s family. My family. Or at least it was…

Dan takes the picture from me and flips me around on his lap, so we are facing each other.

“This changes nothing.” He stabs his finger over the photo. “I’m not losing you, Lily. Not now. Not ever. You are mine. If you run, so help me god I will find you.”

“But how?” I choke on a sob.

“We talk to Raffe and Rachel. Tonight. We do it tonight.”

“I can’t.”

“You can, baby. You can.” He takes my face in both hands and places kisses all over it. “This is wonderful news. It’s not bad.”

“He can’t know.”

“We let Raffe and Rachel decide what they tell Jackson. Jenny trusted them. We can too.”

He pulls me into his chest, and I curl up under his neck, his beard tickling my cheek. I want to stay here forever and ever.

“This is amazing. It’s a goddamn miracle, Lily.”

His voice rumbles in my ear and the more I think about it rationally, I agree. I mean, it’s like life has come full circle. She gave Raffe the baby he couldn’t have. That was what she meant by making amends to him.

I lean back as everything catches up in my brain. “That means the people he calls grandma and grandpa are really his grandparents by blood.” I cover my mouth with both my hands, trying to keep control of my emotions.

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