Page 108 of Watercolor Skulls

“You don’t have to do that.” He runs his hand over his mouth. “Could, could I have a copy of this instead?”

He shows me the photo. I laugh a little. “Yeah, sure, but I’m in it.”

“I know, that’s why I want it.”

My eyes rake over him. He’s so beautiful and kind and exactly like Jenny described him. God, it should be her standing here not me. I drop my head unable to look at him any longer, guilt creeps in like a virus, infecting me, unseen to the naked eye.

But he sees it. Because fuck, he is perfect just like the rest of them.

“Lily, she isn’t here. You are and you cannot feel guilty about that. She wouldn’t want you to and you know this. She made a choice. We have to go on without her. You’ve brought me so much peace already. I don’t think you see how much we all needed you.”

“I’m the needy one. All I’ve done is bring chaos and confusion.”

“Stop. We all come with those things. It’s called life. Do you think I came to this family all sunshine and roses? No, I came in full of self-loathing and you guessed it, my own version of chaos.” He laughs, turning to stare at the portrait again. “And Jesse, my god the chaos that girl brought. Sometimes what begins as a chaotic mess turns into a beautiful love story. Mine did. Jesse’s did and I’m sure yours will too. So please try to tamp down those feeling of guilt. Okay?”

I nod, picking up the painting and handing it to him. He gives the picture on my phone one last look before trading me. He hugs the painting to his chest as I click a few buttons on my phone. When his phone dings he smiles.

“Thank you, Lily.”

I brush him off with a wave of hand. “We should go upstairs I need to get ready for Jackson.”

Raffe helps me compile all the stuff I will need to help Jackson build the bird house for Jenny’s parents. It’s so sweet that he thinks of them as his grandparents. Jenny would be happy to know he’s filling the void she left behind.

When Rachel and Jackson show up he comes running up to me. “Lily. Lily. Lily,” he pants, trying to catch his breath. I laugh.

I hug him as he barrels into my legs. “I’m so happy you’re here,” I tell him.

He looks up at me with his expressive brown eyes. “Are we building a bird house today?” he asks excitedly.

“Yes, and a bird feeder.”

“What’s a bird feeder?” He pulls away from me to touch everything I have on the picnic table.

“We’ll leave you two to it,” Rachel says, wrapping her arms around Raffe.

“Yeah, you guys go on. Go to dinner or something. Dan and I can feed Jackson.”

Rachel looks up into Raffe’s eyes, hopeful.

Raffe smiles down at her. “That sounds wonderful.” He kisses the end of her nose before turning to me. “You sure?”

“Of course, everyone should be home soon. You know how it is. They make enough food to feed an army.”

They both laugh, nodding. “Okay, we’ll be back in a few hours.” He slaps Rachel on the ass, making her squeal. “See you soon.” They turn leaving Jackson and I to our woodwork.

JD stops by and joins us. Jackson loves working with his hands. He listens intently to what JD tells him. Time passes quickly and before we know it we have a brightly painted bird house and one bird feeder.

My mind wanders to my childhood and the flower garden at my fathers. The bird houses were exquisite. But nothing compared to the one I just built with my friends. Jackson rests his chin on his hands, peeking into the little door on the bird house. He’s so darn cute.

“This would make a great hiding place,” he says in awe, opening one eye and then the other as he stares into the dark hole.

I blink at him, my heart beating wildly in my chest.

“It would but soon a bird will be living in there,” JD tells him.

My gaze roams over the bird house not really seeing it. What I do see are my father’s bird feeders. He never let anyone else put feed in them. It was expressly prohibited. All the staff knew this rule. He didn’t even like anyone sitting out there. I thought it was just like the rooms my mom deemed “for guests only”. Except the flower garden wasn’t for guests, it was for him.

I stumble back, falling into one of the deck chairs.

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