Page 21 of Restrictions

I’m horrified, and I’m sure my face reflects that. “Well, I can’t let that happen.”

He sighs as if I’m a lost cause. “You can’t control everything. You just can’t. He’s going to get hurt. Humans are supposed to get hurt.”

I shake my head, my fingernails digging into my scalp. “I can’t. God, what if it would have been worse.” I feel tears swell up to the surface of my eyes as I look at Asher. “I can’t fail, Asher. They want me to fail.”

He knows I’m talking about my parents. “Fuck them.”

I’m surprised by his reaction, although I’m not sure why. I need him to understand how serious I am. “I have to show them I can do this without their help.”

“And you can. No doubt. You’re a great mother.”

I shake my head and let my butt rest on the floor, pulling my knees up to my chest and wrapping my arms around them, fighting all the doubts I’ve had since I found out I was pregnant. My mother told me it would be so easy to just get rid of the problem.

That’s how she referred to Baz for the first three months. She told me every day how hard my life would be if I went through with it. How no man would ever want me. How I would always be doing everything alone. How I would fail.

I’ve used it to fuel me, but I’m empty. I feel weak and out of control as my hands shake, and then I feel a warmth overcome me when my quaking hands are covered by Asher’s much larger, steady ones.

I didn’t even notice his body moving closer to mine, but he’s now kneeling in front of me and letting our hands rest over my knees as he looks into my eyes. “Breathe.”

“I can’t.” I hate how weak my voice sounds.

Asher is strong and confident, his gaze unwavering. “Breathe. I’m sure this is because school is starting tomorrow, right? It’s nerve-wracking leaving Baz alone with a stranger. I know.”

I nod my head stupidly. “I’ve never done that. He’s only been with my parents or your mother. Or you.”

He nods slowly, being so patient and kind. “I know, but it’s only for a few hours, and then you’ll pick him up and he’ll tell you all about his day. You’ll tell him about yours, and it’ll be great.”

“What if he cries?”

Asher shrugs. “My money’s onyoucrying.”

I sniff through tears but actually laugh. “Asshole.”

“Yes, I am.” He chuckles and then releases my hands, moving to my side and wrapping an arm around me, his skin against mine. “You gotta loosen up.”

“You keep saying that.”

“Yeah, and I’m going to continue to say that. You’re twenty-one. Your life is just beginning. Loosen up and live.”

Asher’s life hasn’t been easy, although I’m sure it seems like it has on the outside. But I know a darkness lurks beneath the surface. I see it every time anyone brings up Lincoln or Colt. Still, his optimism astounds me.

Not much gets to him.

“I’ll try.”

“You promise?”

For a moment, I let myself breathe and relax into him as I close my eyes and rest my head on his shoulder. “I promise.”

I can’t see him, but I can feel his smile. “Good.” We’re quiet for a moment, and then he asks, “If your parents made you keep everything a secret, what made you tell Linc about Sebastian?”

Sebastian was only a few months old when I went to Manhattan where Lincoln was living with Penelope to tell him the truth. I open my eyes and pivot slightly to look at Asher, who is now looking at me but keeping me in the comfort of his side. “They told me that no one could know. That it was my dirty little secret, but every time I looked at my sweet baby boy, all I could see was Colt Sterling.”

His expression is pained at the mention of his brother, and I hate that I caused his features to darken.

“I would see the way my mother looked at him with disdain, and then I saw the way my father would never look at him, and I just knew he deserved love.” Asher listens intensely as I continue, “I didn’t know much about the Sterlings, but I saw you all together a few times at country club events and at school. I knew there was love there, and I wanted that for Sebastian.”

His pouty lips slide into a smile. “I’m glad you told us. I can’t imagine life without him.”

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