Page 113 of Restrictions

“He loves you. I’m not going to keep you from him, Asher. But I can’t breathe around you. I can’t stand to be near you. I have to give myself a chance at a normal life, maybe a real relationship. And I can’t do that with you right here, calling me back to you only to torture me over and over.”

“So I'll move out.”

Her bottom lip quivers, and she shakes her head. “I need distance. I can’t do this.”

“So, you’ll sacrifice Baz for yourself? That doesn’t seem like you.”

“Don’t you ever question my love for that child.” She points to her chest, her hand shaking. “I have stayed here, punishing myself for love of him, and I can’t do it anymore. I’m not functioning, and that’s not good for him because I’m his parent.”

“Don’t do this. Don’t fucking do this, Viv. You told me you could handle this, or I never would have fucked you.”

She holds back another cry as she zips the suitcase and picks it up, walking into Baz’s room as I follow, fury in my veins.

She can’t do this to me.

She turns to face me, her voice low. “You can stay here as long as you need to. I’m not selling it.” She turns to Baz before I can tell her where to shove her stupid fucking house. I feel sick as she tries her best to sound cheerful. “Baz, tell Uncle Asher good-bye okay. Give him a hug. We have a plane to catch.”

Baz’s bottom lip puffs out, and my heart squeezes in my chest as I look at my nephew. “Can’t he go with us?”

Vivienne instantly shuts it down. “No, not this time. Remember?” He’s still pouting, and she places a hand on his little shoulder. “Give him a hug. We can’t be late.” Her eyes look at me, urging me to keep my mouth shut.

I bend down and hold my arms out as Baz runs into them, and I close them around him, fighting back tears of my own.

Fuck. I didn’t even cry when Colt died, but the devastation I feel right now is crushing. “Not bye, buddy. Okay? I’ll come visit you all the time, and I'll call you so much you’ll get sick of me.”

He laughs, and I close my eyes, holding him close. “Okay, Uncle Asher.”

I don’t want to let him go, but I do. I stand up, trying not to show him how badly it hurts. I don’t want him to be upset.

“Grab your bag, sweetie.” Viv’s voice is shaky as she tries her best to sound like Mary fucking Poppins.

He does, and he walks out of his room, his little Spiderman backpack in hand.

I grab Viv’s wrist before she can leave. “Do you even fucking love him? Or are you really moving across the country with him just to hurt me?”

She pulls her arm away from me, easy to do because I wasn’t holding on tight. “I’m doing what I have to do. And I do hope that you visit him and call him.”

“I will.”

There’s no way in hell I'm letting the kid down, and she knows it.

“Good. I don’t want to take him from you.”

“Then don’t.”

She sobs, and I look away. “I have to do this.”

My eyes stay trained on Baz’s window and the tree right outside it. “You’ll regret this.”

“I’m not letting anything hold me back anymore, Asher. No more fear, and I can’t stay here.”

I hear her heels clicking on the floor as she walks away from me. I stay frozen in Baz’s room. Hating everything.Life. Death. California. Circumstances. Fear.

And especially . . .

Her.

48

---