Page 22 of Blood & Ash

“Good. Saves me from giving the no sneaking boys over speech.”

“I don’t need a speech. I’m on birth control.”

“You still into purple, or was it pink?” I change the subject. I don’t want to know about her sex life, but if she has one, at least that’s one less worry.

“Neither. I’ve matured to blue.”

“All right. Blue it is. I’ve got a couple of the prospects coming by later to paint. Just tell them what color you want. Martina will be around if you need anything.”

“You’re leaving?”

“I’ve gotta work. Martina will make sure you get dinner.”

“I can take care of myself. Been doing it for years.”

“I know you can, honey. You shouldn’t have to.”

She nods, and I take Ash back to the living room to see if Goose’s mom has shown up. I find her in the kitchen, going through the cabinets.

“Hey.” I take Ash out of his carrier for her.

“You’re doing a good thing for them,” she tells me before kissing my cheek.

“Trying to. Ashley’s here. Put her to work.”

“I plan on it. Girl needs structure. Lord knows Shelby wasn’t the best role model.”

“No negative Shelby talk around them or at all. I want to forget she ever existed.”

“Kind of hard to do when you’ve got her kid and sister living with you.”

“Yeah, well, that’s my problem.”

“I’m here for you, son. As long as you need me.”

“I appreciate you. Some of the guys will be by with furniture and boxes and to do some painting.” I give the baby over and leave some money on the counter for groceries and whatever else she may need to grab. I’m taking over Pop’s old room. Already cleaned it out to make room for some of my stuff. I’m not moving all my junk out of the clubhouse, but it will be nice to have a place to get away. Which is why I need shit at both places.

I shouldn’t feel guilty for needing a break from diapers and teen girl dramatics, but today I just need to cut loose. Drink a little drink and smoke a little smoke. I’ve been drowning in responsibilities with the club and home life. It’s been about a month since I moved into the old house and fuck me if I’m not exhausted. Before my Pops died, my days consisted of collecting money and fucking around with the guys. Now I’m giving them orders and raising a kid on my own.

I’m twenty-five. I should be hitting the bars. Getting laid.

I look around the bar, seeing everyone having a good time, and all I feel is empty. Numb.

So fucking numb to the scene around me, being weighed down by responsibility and the choices that led me here.

“Let’s go blow some shit up or something. It’ll make you feel better.” Goose gives me a shove.

“Nah. I’m good. Probably going to head out. Give your mom a break.”

“Need you a woman. Any of these bitches would bow at your feet and suck your cock morning, noon, and night to be your Ol’ Lady.”

“The last thing I need is another female complicating my life.”

“All right. Get you a dude then.” He grins and I hold back from punching him.

“Fuck you.”

“You’re not my type, brother. You’ve got a flat ass and aren’t blonde with double D cups.”

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