Page 7 of Blood & Ash

This morning, I had it all.

Now my world has been blown to bits.

Chapter Four

I’m not sure how much time has passed when Goose drops to his ass next to me, smoking a blunt. “They had to sedate Momma Tee. Gotti drove Shelby home. Always thought those bastards would go out together, just not like this,” he says, shaking his head before taking a hard toke.

“Gotta hand it to him. Fucking went out with a fucking bang. Shelby. That shit. I can’t wrap my head around that one.”

Goose shrugs.

“You knew she was fucking him.”

“Didn’t find out until you did. When she came running down the stairs. I’m just not shocked by it.”

Guess he wouldn’t be considering his last stepmother graduated a year after we did. His old man has always liked them young. Didn’t see this shit coming. Not even close.

I don’t understand any of it. Except Eightball. Him getting fucked up and tagging Shelby makes sense. My Pops. Can’t wrap my mind around it. Every time I close my eyes, all I think about is them fucking behind my back and laughing about what a dumbass I’ve been not to see it.

“Buford stopped by and said to come to the morgue when we’re ready. My old man had a couple of baggies on him that tested positive for fentanyl. Paramedics said War’s heart burst.”

“Jesus,” I mutter, and take another swig. I stare out at the ocean, wondering what the fuck I’m to do now. Where do I go from here?

“I know you aren’t ready to pick up that gavel, but the club is going to need you to lead.”

“Yeah.” I hang my head. “Can’t believe he was that fucking stupid. Out of all the shit he’s done in his life, this has to be the most fucked.”

Part of me had always believed my old man was invincible. That nothing or no one could take him out. Was foolish. They say never meet your heroes. My dad was mine. Tough and mean.

Fucking Shelby behind my back. Of all the women, he had to choose her. I expected more from him. Her too. Eightball I could see, but not my father. My flesh and blood.

I sniff and take another hit, passing the doobie back to Goose.

“At least he went out staring at some nice tits.” Goose chuckles and hands me the joint once more.

“That he did. That he fucking did.” I take two puffs as the silence stretches between us. There’s no one else I’d rather have by my side to do this shit with. The sun sets fire to the sky, and I hope wherever and the fuck he is, my old man is having the ride of his life. Who am I kidding? Him and Eightball are crashing through the gates of Hell side by side on their Harleys brothers in arms till the very fucking end.

I pour out two shots in the sand.

One for each of our fathers.

Our fallen heroes.

Slicking back my hair, I let out a sigh and then brace the sink. I’m not ready for this. Nowhere near prepared to walk out of this clubhouse and ride in my father’s and Eightball’s memory. Goddamn them both. It wasn’t supposed to be this way. I’m twenty-five years old. Too damn young to be burying my old man and filling his shoes.

It wasn’t his time to go.

Not yet.

Everyone is looking at me. Some depending on me like I’m their lifeline where others possibly want to watch me fail. This shit isn’t fair.

Momma Tee comes into my room without knocking. “How you holding up, baby?”

I exit the bathroom and grab my cut off the bed. “I’m breathing.”

Her lips tip into a sympathetic smile. “Loved him like no other. That man.” She smiles to herself, biting her lip in an effort not to cry.

“I know. We all did.”

---