Page 53 of My Secret Santa Daddies

We collapse together, our sweat slicked bodies heaving as we try to catch our breath. He presses his forehead to mine, eyes closed, savoring the aftershocks that ripple through us both. I run my fingers through his damp hair, my heart still racing in my chest.

For a long moment, we just lie there, tangled up in each other, the rest of the world fading away. No past, no complications, just this; two people finding solace in each other, even if only for a stolen moment.

But reality has a way of creeping back in, seeping through the cracks of our fragile bubble. Guilt starts to twist in my gut as the haze of lust dissipates.

Shit. What have I done? What have we done?

I shift beneath him, suddenly needing space, wanting some distance. He senses the change in me and rolls to the side, allowing me to sit up. I clutch the sheet to my chest, feeling exposed in more ways than one.

"Sierra..." he starts, reaching for me, but I flinch away from his touch. Hurt flashes across his face before he can hide it. "Talk to me. Please."

I shake my head, not meeting his eyes. "This was a mistake, Griffin. We shouldn't have... I shouldn't have let this happen."

He sighs, scrubbing a hand over his face. "It wasn't a mistake. You wanted it as much as I did. You can't deny that."

"It doesn't matter what I wanted in the moment," I whisper, my voice cracking. "It doesn't change anything. We can't... I can't do this again."

"Why not?" he demands, sitting up to face me fully. "Why can't we try to fix this? Fix us? I still lo-"

"Don't," I cut him off harshly, holding up a hand. "Don't say it. You can't... We can't go back, Griffin. Too much has happened. Too much has changed."

"The only thing that's changed is you shutting me out!" he snaps, frustration bleeding into his tone. "You're so damn determined to punish yourself that you won't even consider the possibility of moving forward. Of being happy again."

“I need—I need to go to bed.”

I scramble out of his bed, clutching the sheet around me as I back away from Griffin. My heart is pounding, a sense of panic is rising in my throat as the reality of what we've just done crashes over me.

And I hate how good it felt.

"Sierra, wait," Griffin says, his voice softer now. He reaches for me again, but I pull away.

"I can't do this," I whisper, shaking my head. "I'm sorry, not right now.”

I grab my discarded towel from the floor and flee the room before he can say anything else. My legs are shaky as I stumble down the hallway, clutching the towel around me, my mind reeling. What have I done?

I hear the front door open as Cody and Wyatt come back in.

I stumble back to my room, my mind reeling and my body still tingling from Griffin's touch. As soon as I'm inside, I lock the door and slide down to the floor, burying my face in my hands.

What have we done?

The guilt crashes over me in waves, threatening to drown me. Not just guilt over sleeping with Griffin, but guilt over Wyatt and Cody too. The kisses we shared, the way I'd fantasized about them both. And now this...

I'm such a mess. How did I let things spiral so out of control?

My legs feel weak, like they could give out at any moment, and I barely make it to the bed before collapsing onto it, my damp towel bunching awkwardly beneath me. My body sinks into the mattress, the exhaustion from the day hitting me like a wave.

I can’t do this. I can’t sort through these feelings—the anger, the attraction, thepainof everything that’s been buried between us. I can’t keep reliving the past, keep pretending that seeing him again doesn’t affect me the way it does.

Tears collect in the corner of my eyes then fall silently. I cry for the girl I used to be, for the life I thought I'd have. I cry for Anna, for the gaping hole her absence left in all our lives. I cry for Griffin, for Wyatt, for Cody and for the mess I've made of everything.

After all these years, after everything that's happened between us, I let myself get caught up in the moment, and now...now I don't know what to do.

My mind races, replaying every touch, every kiss. The way his hands felt on my skin, how perfectly our bodies still fit together. For those brief, blissful moments, it was like no time had passed at all. It felt like that when I kissed any of them.

Every time I close my eyes, I see flashes of Griffin's heated gaze, and feel the ghost of his touch on my skin. But then Wyatt's face swims into view, followed by Cody's, and the guilt twists my stomach into knots.

I've let myself get swept up in old feelings and new desires, crossing lines I swore I never would. And now it was too late to take anything back.

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