Page 63 of My Secret Santa Daddies

“No, let me finish. I need you to understand, I was trying to protect what we had, what was left of it, even if that meant pushing you away. I know it was wrong, but at the time, it was the only thing that made sense.”

“So, you were protecting me by breaking my heart?” I ask in confusion.

He winces at my tone, his gaze dropping to the floor. “I know it doesn’t make sense now. It probably never did. I just?—”

“Felt guilty,” I finish for him. “You felt guilty about everything with Anna, and you thought staying away from me would somehow make it better.”

“Yeah. I guess I did.”

“You know,” I say slowly, my voice trembling, “there were times when I thought I’d never see you again. And maybe that would’ve been easier. But now that I’m here, I realize I never really let go. No matter how much I tried to pretend otherwise.”

“Sierra—”

“I know you have Jack,” I interrupt, my voice cracking. “And I know you’re trying to be a good father, to give him a life without the mess of the past. I don’t know where I fit into that anymore, or if I ever did.”

“I never wanted to shut you out. Not really. I was just… scared.”

“Scared of what?” I demand, my frustration boiling over. “Scared of feeling something? Scared of what it would mean if you let yourself want me again?”

“Yes, dammit. Scared of all of it. I was scared of losing more, of failing again. Of losingyouagain!”

Griffin stands abruptly, pacing away from the bed, his hands raking through his hair. "You have no idea how much I've thought about you over the years, Sierra. How many times I've picked up the phone, wanting to call you, to explain, to apologize. But I didn't know how. I didn't know if you'd even want to hear from me."

I swallow hard, my heart pounding in my chest. "I would have listened, Griffin. Even if it hurt, even if I was angry, I would have listened."

"I'm sorry. God, Sierra, I'm so sorry for everything. For the way I handled things, for not being there when you needed memost. I thought I was doing the right thing, but turns out I was just running away from my own pain."

Tears sting my eyes, and I blink them back furiously. "I needed you, Griffin. I needed you, and you just... left. Like I didn't even matter."

In two long strides, he's back at the bed, kneeling in front of me, his hands grasping mine. "You mattered. You always mattered.”

I inhale sharply.

“Griffin. This is a lot.”

His hands grasp mine tighter, his eyes searching my face with an intensity that makes it hard to breathe. "I know it's a lot. I know I'm throwing this at you out of nowhere. But I need you to understand - I never stopped caring about you, Sierra. Never."

I swallow hard, my throat tight with emotion. "Then why did it feel like you did? Why did you shut me out?"

He closes his eyes briefly, pain etched on his features. "Because I was a coward. Losing Anna nearly destroyed me, and I thought... I thought if I let myself feel anything for you, if I let you in again, I wouldn't survive losing you too."

A tear slips down my cheek and I roughly brush it away. "I lost her too, Griffin. She was my best friend. You weren't the only one grieving."

"I know. God, I know that." He reaches up, cupping my face in his large hands. "I was so wrapped up in my own pain, and guilt, that I didn't see how much you were hurting. I should have been there for you. I should have..."

His voice cracks and he leans back.

“And the other night… I want to pretend like I had no idea what came over me, but let’s face the fucking fact. I knew as soon as I saw you, that I wanted to kiss you again. Feel you beneath me. Hear you say my name.”

“I just… I don’t know what to think, Griffin.”

“I know,” he says, his voice low. “And I know it’s not just me. I’m not blind, Sierra. I see how Cody looks at you. I see the way Wyatt hovers around you, like he’s afraid you’ll disappear again.” He lets out a rough sigh, nodding as if he understands. “It’s okay. You don’t have to say anything more. I just needed to be honest with you, finally.

“Come on,” he says gently, his hand hovering near my arm. “I’ll walk you downstairs.”

“I need to pack up my stuff first.”

“Right.”

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