Page 108 of Of Blood & Stone

At the thought of Kharis’ escape, the headache won. Sylzenya was right—they hadn’t seen the last of him. Perhaps he’d come back with more reinforcements, or perhaps even Distrathrus himself. He took a bite of the dried meat. Although it was stringy and caught in his teeth, it didn’t make him puke like the rest of their godsdamn food.

“So is he… talking to you?” Elnok asked. “In your mind?”

Sylzenya sat across from him, eating a cluster of nuts and berries.

“Not since I killed the serpentums,” she replied.

Elnok swallowed the meat. “Suppose that’s good news.”

She met him with cold silence.

“You seemed to have figured out Distrathrus’ poisoning of the wine long before you admitted it in the Willow Grove,” Elnok said, tearing at another piece of meat.

“I’d begun to suspect something, but I wasn’t sure what until Kharis and Nyla came to take the compass.”

“You could’ve told me you had your suspicions,” he paused, spinning his gold ring, “Youshould’vetold me.”

“I didn’t want it to be true, so I ignored it.” Sylzenya sighed. “I chose to ignore many things.”

“You certainly did,” Elnok muttered.

Her eyes drifted to a dirt pile in the center of the clearing, her forefinger scraping at her thumb, a drop of blood blooming from the cut.

“I should’ve never doubted my parents,” she said, her nose crinkling and eyes shining, “what kind of daughter abandons her love for those who gave her life to a man who only cared about the power she possessed? I was a fool. A young, naive, idiotic fool.”

“You were manipulated by a centuries-old god who’d poisoned everyone to be on his side,” Elnok retorted, “you probably would’ve been killed if you’d seen through all of his bullshit from the beginning.”

A tear fell down her cheek. “Doesn’t excuse anything I’ve done.”

Elnok stopped spinning his ring, leaning forward. “You’re right, it doesn’t.”

Sylzenya didn’t respond, her eyes glazing over, her mind traveling somewhere else. Taking a deep breath, Elnok tilted his head back, eyes fixed on the dark treetops.

“But just because you’ve committed atrocities doesn’t mean sitting around and sulking is the answer,” he continued.

“Then what should I do?” she whispered.

He looked at her face, but she turned away. Another tear fell down her cheek, dripping onto her robe.

“I think you already know the answer to that question.”

She paused, taking a heavy, shaking breath. “Even if we somehow find the willow and it gives us a way to stop him, it doesn’t take back all the damage my people and I have done to yours.”

“The more you linger on the past, the harder it will be to see that there’s a future worth living for.”

“What if there isn’t?” she replied, “What if it’s my fault?”

Elnok sighed, leaving his petrified log to sit next to her. Her fingers fidgeted with her white robe, the fabric stained in blood and caked with mud. Grabbing her hand, he brushed his thumb over her skin. She turned to him, but he kept his stare on her dirt-covered fingers.

“You want so badly to be a hero, and it terrifies you to think you’ve failed,” Elnok said, “But heroes are just people who tried their best and fucked up along the way. The more time passes, the more their story is made into one of perfection and glory. No one wants to remember the awful things they did to get where they wanted to be. No one wants to acknowledge they were just as selfish as any other person in the end.”

She shook her head. “I just want to make sure my people are safe. I just want to make sure thisworldis safe.”

“Why? And don’t bullshit me by sayingit’s the right thing.”

She let out a hushed breath, her back muscles constricting as she sat up a bit taller. “I suppose… I want to feel like I did something meaningful. I need to know I did something worthwhile, otherwise my life will amount to nothing. And what’s more valuable than saving my people when they need it?”

“Then you’re right,” he replied, “You did fail. Pretty miserably, too.”

---