Page 142 of Of Blood & Stone

Don’t let them fight this alone.

He ignored his thoughts. Instead, he ruminated on the conversation he’d had with Kharis.

“I promised I would protect you,” Kharis had said, “that as long as I was by your side, no harm would come to you. And I failed, much like your brother.”

Elnok had explained to Kharis he understood why.

“You forgive me because I wasn’t in my right mind. Does this change anything now you know your brother wasn’t either? That Distrathrus had him under his control with his blood wine?”

Perhaps it should've changed his perspective, but it didn't. Under a god’s control or not, Tosh wasn’t a stranger he’d met days ago—he was his brother. His protector. He’d decided to drink the wine when their parents died, and it’d been his hands that put the scars on Elnok’s back.

“You never have to forgive Tosh,” Kharis had replied, “I just need to tell you what he won’t share with you.”

The Dynami had proceeded to explain how once a year, Tosh hosted a month-long vigil in Elnok’s honor, putting on multiple festivals, and scraping the last of their trading reserves to make Elnok’s favorite food—raspberry biscuits. Vendors would share their fondest moments of Elnok, all the while, Tosh sat and listened, eventually retreating to the castle and crying himself to sleep. Kharis had ran into him on one of those nights, and it’d led to their relational spark.

It’d taken everything within Elnok to not break down out of anger and sorrow. He missed his brother, and hearing this made him remember what their brotherhood had been before their parents died—before Tosh went insane. His brother had always been more intentional than he ever needed to be.

Yet even this didn’t change anything.

No amount of guilt or remorse could smooth over what Tosh had done to him.

“You don’t need to forgive him,” Kharis repeated, “but you do need to move on. Both of you do. Whatever it means to you, do it. Never talking to him again, forgiving him and pursuing a sibling-ship… just let him know what you decide. Let the past be what it is, but don’t let it take away from your future—the joys, the happiness, the excitement. You deserve more than that. And Tosh does too.”

Elnok had pulled Kharis into an embrace, confessing that, even though he couldn’t stand Tosh, he was glad Kharis made his brother happy.

Kharis had smiled. “We’ll see each other again someday. I have no doubt about that, Elnok Rogdul. And if you can, let Tosh know I love him before you depart for your life on the sea.”

Elnok had promised he would, had turned and hadn’t dared look back, because if he did…

For Orym.

For Orym.

Elnok,Orym’s voice echoed in his mind,if you don’t come back in one piece?—

I will.

Elnok’s head swam with memories…

Let the past be what it is, but don’t let it take away from your future,Kharis’ voice echoed.

If I’m going to give you the medicine, you need to be honest with not just me, but yourself,Aretta had said.

I don’t think I would’ve laughed half as often during this godsdamned famine if it wasn’t for all our misadventures,Orym had confessed.But good things must come to an end, even if it’s sooner than we had hoped. And just because I’m gone doesn’t mean your life stops too, Elnok.

Elnok’s breaths stalled. Sylzenya’s deep blue eyes and full smile burned in his vision, a light in the darkness of Lhaal Forest.

I’ll never forget you,she’d whispered.

Grinding his teeth until his jaw hurt, he cracked the whip against the ground again. And again. And again. He hadn’t told her how he’d been falling in love with her, hadn’t because if he was willing to leave her like this, did he actually love her?

Orym hadn’t asked him to get the medicine. Orym hadn’t wanted Elnok to get it in the first place. Looking up into the shadowed sky, realization flooded him as if it was raining on his skin. He’d chosen Orym’s fate for him. He’d decided he wouldn’t die, not listening to what Orym kept trying to tell him:

That Elnok’s life mattered too.

His choices, his wants, his decisions—they mattered to Orym, so much so his friend would probably kill him if he returned. He could hear him even now…

You left the most beautiful, intelligent, and bravest woman you’ve ever met to defeat a god of unparalleled power bent on destroying humanity? All because you wanted to saveme?Elnok Rogdul, I mean it when I say this—I’ve never been more disappointed in you in my entire fucking life.

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