Page 90 of Fall Wherever They May

Pulling off my ball cap, I run my fingers through my hair and slip it on backwards as I sit down in the lounger. “Man, it’s fucking great.” A genuine smile spreads across my face. “Aspen’smade a lot of connections these past couple of months, and now everything is moving in the right direction.”

In honor of Paisley and Xander, Aspen and I are building a foundation that will have free on-call grief counselors, a 24-hour crisis hotline, and support groups to assist all family members with neonatal loss. We’re also working to bring awareness to postpartum psychosis, which is a rare condition outside of postpartum depression. I’ve been attending support groups, and I’ve found talking about my trauma is actually helping me heal. Healing means therapy, therapy means talking and talking means reliving those memories. One of the things I’ve learned this year is sometimes, you just have to face your demons. It’s going to take time, but we’re healing.

“I never thought I would see the day,” Carter says, tipping back his bottle of beer.”

“See what day?”

“The day you wouldn’t be a broody asshole. You’re actually smiling. You seem so happy. I figured you’d be moping for months after our loss in the playoffs . . . to Boston no less. Fuck, that hurt.”

I chuckle, crossing my legs at the ankle. “Yeah, well, Sean Mac is a beast. Plus, there’s more to life than hockey, you know? Even though we lost, I still feel like I 've won,” I say as I watch Aspen pick up the basketball that’s rolled by her foot and toss it back to Tucker. “So, you think he’ll fit in with the team?” I ask.

“Who? Sean Mac? Oh, hell yeah. I think we’ll jive. I mean, his image could use some work, but he’s a pretty good guy underneath all that superficial bullshit.”

Plopping down into the chair beside mine, Carter leans back with a grin on his face as he watches River bend over to grab a beer out of the cooler.

“What the fuck are you grinning about?” I chuckle and shake my head. “If chasing River were a career, you’d make moremoney than you do in hockey.” I remember him saying some very similar words about avoidance at my barbecue last year.

“Mark my words, bro. One day, I’m going to make that girl my bride.” He tips his bottle toward me, then takes a pull from it.

“I’m not making any more bets as far as your ass is concerned.” I learned my lesson on that; though I haven’t paid up yet, I do intend to. I look over at my woman, catching her staring at me.Oh, do I intend to.

Aspen saunters over with River trailing behind her. I pull her down onto my lap. “Did you just see who my mom walked in with?” she asks.

I crane my neck trying to catch a glance. “No. Who?”

“Luke,” River responds. “She’s got that glow too. Her entire face is so expressive. Look, she’s beaming.”

Leaning over, Aspen drops a quick kiss on my lips. “I’m just glad to see her eyes shine like that,” she says.

Carter laughs, “That’s what sex will do for you.”

Aspen’s eyes nearly bug out of her head, and she visibly shakes. “Ewe. Gross. Shut up, Carter!”

“Never thought I would agree with this one.” River thumbs toward Carter, “But . . . he ain’t wrong, sis.”

Aspen stands. “Okaaay . . . and on that note, I’m going to go say hi to the little harlot.”

The late evening sun beats down on us, causing sweat to drip down my temple. Carter stands and makes his way over to the pool. I toss my phone onto the table, then sneak up behind Carter. I bend to push him in, but at the last moment, the bastard grabs me by the leg, pulling me in with him. We both fall into the cold water, laughing and splashing each other. A year ago, I would have never attempted such an act. Too caught up in my grief to have a playful bone in my body, you would have found me in a lounger brooding and mad at the world.

“Have you spoken to her about it yet?” Carter asks over the beat of the music playing in the background. His arms and legs move back and forth as he treads to keep his head above water.

I swim to the side of the pool, lifting myself out. “Nope.”

“What do you think she’ll say?” Carter asks, as he pulls himself out of the pool.

I peel off my shirt. Grabbing two towels from the lounger next to the pool, I toss one to Carter. “Eh, I think we’re both on the same page.”

His head turns, and I catch his line of sight. He looks at River with the same longing I once felt for Aspen.

Tucker bounces the basketball on the new court we’ve built, the sound echoing throughout the yard as he and some of the kids from the neighborhood play. I cast a glance around me, relishing in the life we’re building—the found family we’ve created. One year later, we’ve come full circle.

It’s well into the night when our last guest leaves. I’ve put everything away and cleaned up the outdoor kitchen while Aspen put Tuck to bed. I’m just about to make my way into the house when Aspen steps out onto the patio carrying an old quilt. She kisses me, lightly scratching her nails across my stomach as she saunters past, making her way into the grass. She whips the quilt in the night air, allowing the gentle breeze to straighten it out as it falls to the ground.

“I’ll be right back,” I call out to her as I walk back to the house.

Running upstairs, I peek in on Tuck, finding him asleep in his room. I pad back down the stairs to the kitchen, stop and grab a few things, before making my way back outside.

“Come.” She pats the place next to her and lies on her back, but I make no move to sit. I just want to take in the view of this gorgeous woman for a few minutes. This is the way I foundher a year ago, another turning point in our love story. Her black hair is laid out all around her on the blanket, in wild and messy waves. The baby blue sundress rides up her thigh, showing off her glowing, tanned skin as she looks up into the night sky.

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