Page 58 of Fall Wherever They May

The car beeps as he clicks the fob, opens the door, then turns to face me.

“I have to know, is this what you really want? To walk away from your son again? She just told you we would help you get out of this financial mess. We won’t hold it over your head. If you want a relationship with your son, we will help you and Tuck to navigate that.”

“You and I both know I didn’t come here for the kid.”

I throw my arms up in the air. “What about his siblings? Don’t you think he has a right to know them?”

“Siblings?” He frowns. “Those are my girlfriend’s kids.”

“You take care of another man’s children, but not your own child?” I ponder his idiocy.

“Look man, are we going to stand here and discuss trivial shit, or are you going to help me?”

“I’ll give you what you want, but you will stay away from Tucker for good. Don’t come back another ten years down the road and try to start a relationship with him. This was your final chance. He’s mine now. You understand?”

He shrugs.

I hear boots scuffling behind me and turn my head to find Michaelson with his arms crossed and biceps straining from his navy-blue security uniform.

“Hey, Champ.” He nods to me, “Aspen sent me out here to check on things.”

I turn my focus back to Jason. “I asked you a question, but maybe you didn’t hear me. Do. You. Fucking. Understand. Me?”

“Yeah, I understand.” He ducks down into his car.

The engine revs as he starts it; then he’s reversing out of the parking lot and driving off towards the exit, leaving nothing behind but his bank information and another heartbreak for Aspen.

I dial my financial advisor.

“This is Nick.”

“I need to make a three hundred-thousand-dollar transfer.”

“That’s a lot of money, Cal. What’s it for?”

I really don’t want to get into the details of Aspen’s life, but this is what I’ve hired him for—to manage my finances, so I don’t have to. I tell him the entire story, praying Aspen will be okay with it.

“You do know he will come back. People like that are like leeches. Once you give them money, they will find a reason or way to come back for more. As your advisor, I’m advising you against this.”

I rub my hand down my face. “Fuck my life. Look, I don’t care. I want this taken care of. It’s a drop in the bucket for me. Just handle it.” I rattle off the routing and account number and hang up.

These emotions are too much for me to handle right now. I send a text to Aspen letting her know everything is taken care of and head to my car.

We leave for Colorado tomorrow, and my time there isn’t going to be pleasant. It’s inevitable that my past and my future are about to collide.

CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

Cal

No matter how hard I try to escape the guilt, it eats away at me like acid. Even though I’ve taken steps to move forward, I feel stuck in a never-ending loop of confusion, remorse, guilt, and self-loathing. In the moments I’m with Aspen, everything seems fine. I seem fine. But it’s when I leave her that I become conflicted and confused, and the guilt begins to gnaw at me again. No matter how hard I try, I can’t seem to move on completely.

I’ve been avoiding Aspen for a week; since Chicago. I know she can feel the distance I’ve put between us. She’s intuitive and can tell when something is off. If Jason hadn’t shown up at the facility, I would’ve continued to avoid her. I was on board during the moments leading up to our time in my hotel room. One hundred percent all in. But the very next morning, when I woke up in a mass of tangled sheets with a woman other than my wife lying on my chest, panic and regret set in.

Waking up with Aspen in Chicago wasn’t like the night we fell asleep in my backyard. There was no intent for more when we were lying in my lounger having a conversation. Sure, even then I wanted her, but now, I need Aspen like I need mynext breath. She’s the last person I ever want to hurt, and I want to move forward with her. I need to move forward with her. She breathes life into me and makes me feel. She makes me live. I can see the future with her and Tucker. For that reason, I’m here now, to talk to the woman I thought I’d spend forever with.

The snow crunches under my feet as I make my way to the very last place in the world I thought I’d ever come back to. I don’t know if it’s the cold wind hitting my face or the impending conversation that causes moisture to pool in my eyes.

“Hi, Baby.” I squat down, dusting the snow from the top of the cold granite, running my hand over her name etched into the stone. “I’m sorry it took me so long to come see you, but I’ve been in a really bad place since you left me.” My eyes gloss over, and my nose burns as I feel the first tear fall down my cold cheek. I shudder a staggering breath as I allow our memories to play in my mind for the first time in years.

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