“Something to the effect of her living vicariously through romance characters because no one wants her in real life.”
His expression is incredulous. “Harsh. Did you ever think that maybe she stirs up feelings you haven’t felt and that’s why you’re so quick to go to war with her? Maybe you do the same to her?” He shrugs one shoulder.
I chew on that thought and let it settle before speaking. “She’s a pain in the ass. But God, I never want to see that look on her face again. It was like I punched her in the gut.”
“She makes you feel.”
“Yeah, pissed off is what she makes me feel.”
“Because she makes you feel. It’s been four years, Cal. I don’t want to . . . you know what? I do want to push you because it’s time to move on. Not necessarily romantically per se, if that’s not what you want, but just live your life and do it unabashedly. When you’re around her, I think you feel alive, and that scares you. I also see the way you are with Tucker; when you’re around him, you’re living. Which leads me to believe you think he’s safe, but you don’t think she is.”
“You’ve met that kid. He’s something else.”
“There are a lot of kids who are something else.” He puts up quotations. “But that kid, you have a bond with. And don’tspout your bullshit on me; it goes way beyond the bond you have with Elija or any of the other kids that come around us. You let loose with him; you’re happy when he’s around. You laugh more than I’ve ever seen you laugh. And I’m going out on a limb here when I say you let loose with her too. You may not laugh, but you do talk, and you show your emotions with her, even if it’s anger. Granted, it’s not the most positive emotion, but it’s still more than you give anyone else. Maybe she isn’t as bad as you’ve been forcing yourself to believe.”
“I don’t know about all that. I don’t need any distractions. My contract is up this season, and you know how I feel about my career. I don’t have the time or the room in my life for—.”
“Yeah, yeah, yeah. I’ve heard this spiel before.”
I roll my eyes and continue, “Not to mention she’s my boss, and she could send my ass packing at any time.” I turn into the parking lot, park next to Aspen’s car, and hop out.
Carter hums, then slides out of the truck. Rounding the hood, his eyes lock with mine. “I don’t know, man. Maybe just start with an apology and let the chips fall wherever they may. But in all seriousness, stop blocking your blessings.”
With that, he hops into the driver’s seat and takes off back to my house, while I pop back into the store and purchase the books I left on the counter.
It’s been a couple of days since the incident, and I’m still not feeling great about the things I said to Aspen. I toss and turn,unable to sleep. When I look out my bedroom window, I find the lights still on at Aspen’s house. With the decision made, I pull on my gray sweatpants and throw on a Blaze t-shirt, then I make my way to her house.
CHAPTER EIGHT
Aspen
In need of space and some peace and quiet, I lay down on one of my old quilts in the backyard, staring at the starless night sky. It’s late, and the dew is starting to settle on the grass, making my quilt damp. The cadences of the crickets and locusts that I would hear in Oklahoma are replaced by cars driving down the road outside our estate here in New York. There’s rustling in the yard. I sit up, looking around. A tall, dark figure stalks towards me. Unable to see the face of the trespasser, I’m frozen in fear until I hear his voice.
“I hope I didn’t startle you. The lights were on, so I knocked on your door. River said you were back here looking at the stars. I think I woke her up.”
I stay silent and peer up at him.
“You know there’s too much light pollution to actually see the stars here?”He kicks the toe of his shoe against the ground.
I look up at the sky, then lay back down. “I know, but I can pretend.” I sigh.
Cal sits down beside me on the blanket. Silence surrounds us, but it’s not uncomfortable.
“I came to apologize.”
“Hmm. About what?”
“The media, the wreck, my attitude…I’ve not been the most pleasant person to deal with.” He looks up into the black abyss.
“Are you apologizing because you truly feel bad or because I’m your boss and you’re scared shitless to be traded?”
He scratches the back of his neck and chuckles under his breath. “Both?”
“Hmm.”
I wouldn’t trade him. I wouldn’t abuse my power like that. I hope he knows I was teasing. I’m pretty sure that he does . . .
He laughs. “I’m the best center in the league.” Then he adds, as if he were reading my mind, “I’m not worried about you trading me.”