Page 33 of One Last Chance

“I don’t know, Gran. Mac told me he barely sees him. He’s just like Grandpa, running away from problems by overworking himself,” Shawn mutters, until he turns his head slightly and catches me in his peripheral vision. Widening his eyes, he glances at Mother and they both turn to me as I approach.

So much for ignoring my problems for the sake of today’s mood.

“Is it really necessary to ponder about the state of my mental health out loud in front of him?” I murmur with a frown, hinting at Mac. Before they can respond, I push by with a tired sigh to turn on the coffee machine in the back corner of the counter. “Hey, bean,” I shout at Mac, clasping my favorite mug he painted for me in hand.

He turns around on the couch. My stomach twists, seeing the uncharacteristic lack of boisterous energy on his face. He smiles, but in a strange, sad way. “Morning,” he says before quickly turning to the TV again. Only then do I notice Mina on the other side of the couch, phone in hand, headphones on as always. This time she doesn’t really even acknowledge me, giving that brief, disdainful glance she always shoots around her like a weapon to Mac instead.

God, what is it now?

“He’s worried. I keep telling you he hears everything you say,” I push through my teeth without looking at Mother or Shawn behind me. In reality, the person I’m more angry at is myself. I’m the one making everyone tense. I’m the one clearly failing as a father.

“Dear, we were just—”

Placing my hands on the counter, I take another breath to center myself again.I need to try harder. I need to do better.

“We should go out today,” I say decisively while the coffee fills my cup.

Shawn leans on the counter next to me, clearly trying to see my expression, so I cock a brow and flash him the most believable smile I can muster.

“After breakfast. Stop worrying and make sure you don’t burn those pancakes, you two.” With no more arguments, I weave between them and go sit next to Mac. “How about roller skating? We haven’t done that in a while,” I propose, tapping my hand playfully on Mac’s knee. He still seems low, but his eyes light up a little, and that’s all I need right now.

I can fix this mess. I can make it better.

I have to.

I make it my mission for the rest of the day to make it a nice family outing. Whatever dark feelings are weighing me down, I delude myself into believing that they don’t even exist. I force that chatty, playful part of me out, no matter how much energy it seems to take. I leave Mina alone to not create any more tension. I pay attention to Mac, and I make sure to get everyone exactly what they like. Because seeing my family content has always been the one thing that's mademehappy, no matter my problems.

We skate for a good few hours and go for a meal before driving out of the city for a nice stroll in nature.

Mother complains about her aching back by the end. Mina follows us like a ghost. Shawn races Mac up and down the surrounding hills, until Mac gets tired, and I put him on my shoulders for the rest of our walk to the car.

I put him back on his feet in front of it. “Alright. Say goodbye to Grandma,” I tell him, nudging him towards Mom. She gives him a hug, then Shawn, before stopping by me and making that pitying expression again before hugging me as well. “Drive safe,” I tell her and wave, waiting for her to get in a leave before strapping Mac in.

Shawn goes to sit in the front while Mina already takes her seat in the back. Mac stands by the open car door, not getting in, so I kneel in front of him. “I think Grandma won’t be able to move tomorrow with all the exercise we did today,” I say with a chuckle, hoping to cheer him up, but…it doesn’t work.

There’s still this horrible dark cloud hanging above him, like it has been all day. He got distracted, he laughed and played, but it was there all along.

“Hey.” I take his hands with worry and tilt my head to meet his eyes. His chin is low. He’s avoiding looking at me. “What’s up, buddy? You’ve been off. Didn’t you have fun today?” No response. “Come on. This isn’t like you.”

“I’m sorry, Daddy…”

My chest tightens over the small, shaky voice of his. I take his chin gently and lift it up, revealing his teary eyes. He purses his bottom lip up, trying to stop himself from crying.

“Hey!” I blurt, panic surging through me. “Hey, hey, hey, it’s all right! What are you apologizing for?” When I hug him tightly, I feel Mac melt into me and feel his little heart beating against my chest as he sniffs and hiccups.

“I-I kept something from you, Daddy,” he cries out between hyperventilating shivers. “I’m so-so sorry, Mina said that…I gotta keep quiet, but it’s all my fault why you’re so sad.”

White-hot, prickly wave of anger passes through me. My gaze snaps up to Mina, who already faces us, eyes wide. She’s pressing her lips tightly together and turns her head away sharply, like she thinks this won’t exist if she ignores it.

It takes everything for me to keep my voice soft and calming for Mac. “A secret? What secret? It’s alright, you can tell me. I promise I won’t be angry.”

I release him from my bear hug so that he can speak properly. Mac wipes his pink, dewy cheeks with his sleeve and pulls in the snot running out of his nose. Seeing him like that makes that intensely protective part of me I never could’ve conceived off before I became a parent go rabid, but I stay calm, giving him an assuring smile.

“Th-the boy you liked… The one that brought you to the hospital…”

“Yes? What about him?”

“He was n-nice,” he mutters, sniffling again. The ache comes back to me again.He sure was. “In the hospital, Mina was…she was really mean to him. She said bad words and then he never came back again. She t-told me never to talk about it or-or else…”

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