Page 23 of One Last Chance

He’s really calling me.I figured he wouldn’t. Why would he when I ran off again, albeit this time for a slightly more valid reason?

I don’t even know if the ringing takes as long as it feels in my dazed state of mind, so that when it stops, I almost gasp. “Fuck!” I curse to myself.

Iwantto talk to him. I want to hear what he has to say. His persistence is charming if anything, and I…I definitely feel like being persuaded right now.

Without a second thought, I call back. My hand is sweating as I press the phone against my ear and close my eyes. Relax, I tell myself and whistle in a low, quiet tone while the phone rings, trying to settle myself.

Is it a good idea to talk to this man who clearly has some sort of weird effect on me while I’m in heat?Probably not.

Should I leave this to when my head is clearer?Most likely.

Might that cause me to miss this chance—whateverthisis—and make me regret it down the line?

Before I can continue with my contemplation, he accepts the call. For a few seconds which feel like hours, there’s silence. Breath catching, torturous silence.

“Hi,” I start, attempting to gain some sort of control over this whole thing. “I just missed your call. My phone was in the other room and I was busy,” I say and immediately worry about how confident my lie really was.

“That’s all right,” Rowland says, sounding as charming as I remember it. His voice is a little lower, quieter, which could just be a poor signal. Still, hearing it vibrate in my ear sends some sort of response through my body. With no sound reason, my brain tricks me into smelling a hint of that scent of his—delicious figs and comforting grasses blowing in the wind.

You are so screwed, you damn idiot…

Rowland clears his throat when I don’t say anything right away. “I umm…I’m obviously calling you with my tail between my legs to say sorry. For how things went last time.” He is saying all the right things, in the genuine tone I would have expected. “I would’ve liked to explain all this to you in person, but I suppose this will have to do.”

When I hear that little nervous chuckle, my entire body heats again.

Suddenly, my head doesn’t really hurt that much anymore. The pressure is gone, replaced by pressure somewhere else. Trying to pay full attention to what he’s saying and being mature about it all, I sink deeper into the comfortable, soft back rest of my couch and press my legs together, trying to ignore the fact I’m getting hard just by hearing another man’s voice.Rowland’svoice.

“Go on,” I say.

“I know that having children was something I should’ve been more upfront about from the start. I knew it could be a deal breaker, which is why I selfishly and, honestly cowardly, hid it from you.”

Hell, now I feel bad.He sounds genuinely distraught about it.

I can’t help but jump in. “It wasn’t youhavingkids, Rowland. It was you not telling me about it at all,” I mutter. That's all I can say, considering how confused I still am about my feelings about it. A part of me doesn’t care. A part of me is angry, or…disappointed?

“I know. I know.” He sighs in frustration, blowing air into the phone, and once again, I can sense his pheromones around me. My stupid, hormonal body is doing it to me, yet I don’t really want it to stop. “You need to trust me when I say I feel horrible about it. I know this isn’t an excuse, but when I told myself that would be my last time, my last chance at giving this a shot, I wanted it to work. I wanted to get to know you, to see if we can build something before I hurl all my baggage at you. Not that— My children aren’t baggage to me, of course. They mean everything to me. I just let a desperate, lonely side of me take the lead and when I realized how much I enjoyed being around you, I couldn’t back out fast enough. And then Mina…” He pauses for a moment, exhaling tiredly.

“Look, I know we were already more than open with each other about things. There is just more drama that comes with me than I wanted you to see. I didn’t want you to know all that crap, for you to look at me differently. If I told you I was a father, and then explained how well some of that part of my life is going right now, what would’ve you think about me?” He laughs in a bitter, self-deprecating way in the end, trailing into silence.

I could see those gorgeous, sad eyes of his escaping my gaze in my mind, clear as day.

Gulping, I press my hand against my crotch, trying to push my erection down and produce at least some relief so that I can focus on the heavy shit Rowland is opening up about. I order myself to focus, to get my shit together. Now.

“I think we already bonded well enough over the less-than-stellar parts of our lives. I wouldn’t have judged you,” I say. I’m the last person who can judge someone at this stage of my life.

He makes some sort of scoff in the background. I hear a phone ringing somewhere in the distance.Is he still in his office?

“Yeah. Yeah, I’m— It’s just that the business with my ex is a bit more volatile right now than I’d like. It’s this entire mess of her finding this beta-rights extremist husband, and she is going so far down that whole rabbit hole that she’s leading our daughter toward a really bad path. I didn’t want you to deal with all that. I wanted to be a pleasant company. The man I feel like I am beyond all this crap happening to me. Though I guess you are dealing with it now, since I’m telling you… I’m sorry.”

I’m almost angry at myself because I genuinely can’t find it in me to be mad at him. When that girl appeared out of nowhere, amid me being genuinely into someone for the first time in ages, it was like having a bucket of ice-cold water spilled on my head.

I thought I knew where we stood, but one little puzzle piece of unknown threw me back. “I could have dealt with it a little better. I was just surprised,” I finally speak, hoping to set hismind at ease. “I didn’t react the best and probably made you worry more than necessary.”

“Trust me, neither did I after you left,” Rowland says with a chuckle.

A stupid smile is on my face again.

Damn it. His voice is so…

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