Page 76 of Encounter

His words cut into my chest like a rusted butter knife. I wanted to stop him—to scream instead of staying quiet like all the other times, but my body wasn’t listening to me. Widening my eyes, I watched him storm out while I screamed at myself to do something.

How dare he pick what matters to me? How dare he choose what I care about?!

Shaking out of frustration, I finally managed to open my locked fist and drop the shake bottle on the floor. Breathing like I was still out on a ten-mile run, I blinked and tried to comprehend if the tears in my eyes and heat rising into my cheeks was because of sadness or anger.

Why did he hate Mom so much? What did she ever do to him?!

I would start blaming myself most of the time. I would let myself think it wasmewho he hated—that he never wanted me. He never wanted me, never loved Mom, and that was why he was so damn ruthless and sadistic any time I begged him to let me finally get some peace with that part of me, but... there was no peace now, only anger.

I didn’t know what to do with myself.

I was so used to the crushing sadness—to the emptiness and hopelessness—I didn’t know how to handle the primal rage burning inside my chest.

Fuck him.

I couldn’t stay in the house.

Running out of the door, I put my headphones back in and dashed aimlessly through the street. I knew that if I went into my room, whatever I was feeling would eventually bring me to the bathroom drawer. Even though it wasn’t what would cause me to cut usually, it was still overwhelming and slowly crushing me, and I couldn’t think of many ways to deal with it.

Glancing at my watch, I thought of calling Zola.

She would understand. She knew how Dad and I could get. She had listened to enough of my pathetic moaning about this very topic throughout the years, yet... I couldn’t bring myself to do it. It was like I was burning up inside. I felt like a ticking bomb, and that wasn’t something Zola ever saw before. It wasn’t anything I wanted her to see.

There was only one person I felt hopelessly, uncontrollably free to release whatever chaos was raging inside my soul around.

Chast.

Forcing myself to stop, I bent down to rest against my trembling knees. My lungs stung, my glasses slipped off my nose, and my hair stuck to my forehead. I locked my eyes on the name on the tiny smart watch screen and stared at it for a moment.

I wanted to call him so bad. I wanted the comfort I knew it would bring me, no matter how stupid or selfish it was. Chast didn’t sign up to be my therapist. He didn’t sign up for me calling him at all hours of the night; and what happened last time was probably only thanks to him being horny, like he said... Maybe he felt sorry for me, too.

That thought would bring despair when it came to anyone else, but even if he stayed around me only out of pity, when it came to Chast, I was happy to look over it and accept that.

Releasing steady stream of air through my pursed lips, I gave my brain one last chance to get some oxygen in and stop me from doing something stupid. When that didn’t happen, I pressed his name, and jerked as the ringing began in my ears. The fear quickly crept in and overshadowed the pulsing anger. My mind began racing with the ideas of Chast rejecting me—of me standing in the street alone, with nowhere to go, no one to talk to.

“Hello?”

As soon as I heard his voice, I closed my eyes and sighed. The corners of my mouth tugged upwards. “H-Hey, I... I’m sorry for bothering you.” I chuckled awkwardly. It was almost like I heard him and that was it—all of my courage was gone and now I felt as anxious and timid as always.

“Are you alright?” Chast asked with a sense of urgency. “You sound—”

“I’m fine,” I blurted out, nodding to myself. “I was j-jogging. I know you said you’d call when you have the time, I—”Come on, Galen!The words kept escaping me. Everything I wanted to say—that anger on Dad I wanted to let out—it vanished.

“Did somethin’ happen?” He sounded calmer now, unbothered, but I still felt like a burden. “I don’t think you’d call just for the sake of it.” He snorted. “So… What’s up?”

Smiling, I looked at my fidgeting arm and then glanced around.

Even though I was pretty much still in our neighborhood, I was starting to feel a little exposed and unsure, standing there in the street. “I had... I got into an argument with Dad, and I didn’t know who else to call.” I rubbed the back of my tensed up neck. “I know it’s pretty sad but... I gotsoangry.”

I know he doesn’t want to listen to me complain, but it still feels good to tell him.

“Sounds like you need to let off some steam,” Chast said after a short pause.

“That’s not what I meant. I really didn’t say it to force you to—”

“It’s fine. I’m free. I was going to go to the gym anyway... Need to start gettin’ myself back into the groove.” His tone was breezy and genuine, which made my panicked, twisted stomach ease up a little. Did he really not mind? “Where should I pick you up?”

He didn’t even hesitate. One call, and he was coming to pick me up, like that?

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