Page 74 of Encounter

Mia sighed and put her hands up between the two of us. “Listen,hey!” She snapped her fingers at Gregory, getting his attention. “Shut the fuck up and calm down, alright? He’s tellin’ you somethin’ and you’re just bitching.”

“What am I supposed to do?” he scoffed, going right for the bottle of whiskey on the shelf behind him. Checking none of the clients paid attention, he removed the cap and quickly downed a few sips before pouring more into my glass.

He probably thought I was completely out of my mind.I should’ve never told them.

“I... I don’t see her when I look at him or anythin’. I like... spendin’ time with him, I guess. I don’t know why.” I kept going with my damn rambling, even though with each word, I felt more and more insecure and anxious. To break out of that bizarre trance my body seemed to be trapped in, I downed the entire glass, coughing afterward.

“Are you two only spending time together,or...?” As soon as Mia asked with a careful grimace, what she meant clicked for Gregory. Widening his eyes at me, he raised his brows and waited for my answer, the bottle seemingly ready in case he didn’t like it. And oh, he wasn’t going to like it.

“We—” My cheeks started to burn like I was a little boy talking about sex for the first time.What the hell is with me?!“I haven’t slept with him, it’s... It’s not about sex.” Dropping the glass next to me, I rubbed my entire face with a deep exhale.

“Jesus,” Gregory groaned, turning around to sneak another sip.

The guilt passed through my torso, bringing an uncomfortable ache in my ribs.I’ve never pushed him to do anything, have I? I made sure. Right?

“You know I’ve never slept with anyone more than a few years younger than me,” I blurted out, unable to stop defending myself, scrambling around for them to not think it was some kind of a pattern. “I’m more than fucking aware how unconventional and fuckin’ ridiculous this thing is, I—”

I just can’t put an end to it... Fuck!Groaning, I pressed my hands against my face.

The thought of telling Galen we shouldn’t see each other anymore made my stomach clench. His eyes, filled with hurt and that insecure fear always lingering behind his gaze stood at the forefront of my mind. I knew he always expected me to throw him away like the worthless piece of crap he—for some reason—believed he was.

I didn’t want to be the one to prove that toxic voice in his head right.I wanted to keep having him on the couch next to me—studying with that deeply focused expression on his face as he reads his books. I wanted to keep feeling the fulfillment of seeing his mood shift from the insecure frustration at the beginning of the training session to that covert satisfaction at the end. I wanted to see that look on his face again—the one he gave me when he came to my apartment last night.

There wassomuch buried underneath the surface.

I’d never cared for people much—and I could even put my empathy and humanity on hold when I needed to—but with Galen, it was like I sensed this energy, radiating from within. It was comforting. Just like with Lydy, I wanted to see him shine, like it was my only purpose in life, even though he was nothing like her.

“I just... likehim,” I whispered, completely shell-shocked by my own confusing emotions. “I don’t know why. Or if it’s real. Maybe I stayed alone for too long... Maybe that’s why I’m doin’ all of this.” I sighed.

Gregory and Mia stayed quiet—no doubt sharing worried looks between each other.

With the white noise of the bar finally taking over my easing heartbeat, I kept my head cupped in my hands, as hopeless and unsure as I was before.

I’d been trying toforget the uncomfortable sensation the last encounter with Chast left in me for the entire week. I knew the moment I start thinking about it too much, I was going to spiral, so I distracted myself.

I studied every moment I got, to Dad’s satisfaction. I even finally went out with Zola’s new friends... Nice girls. Bubbly and confident, and completely intimidating to me. Even though I was supposed to be happy seeing Zola finally surrounded with the right people who made her happy, it only made me more aware of how out of place I was. As they laughed around me, I sat in the corner and couldn’t bring myself to stay in that moment with them.

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